WOW Did She Just Say That? Yes, Yes I Did!

couponing

2011-04-07T21:16:00.006-04:00

About a month or 2 ago, I decided I was tired of not having any money. I decided to start couponing. I have a few friends that do it and they save a ton of money. My friend April, showed me pics of her surplus of grocery item she got really cheap or free. So I thought I'd give it a shot. She told me she uses a binder and baseball card holders to keep her coupons in, so that's what I got, too.

I usually buy anywhere from 3 to 6 newspapers on Sunday. You can preview the coupons for the week at sundaycouponpreview.com to help you decide how many newspapers to buy. When buying newspapers you may get stared down as you inspect every newspaper for your coupon inserts but make sure that you check each of them as I have been robbed of an insert once. You can buy more newspaper if you have a bigger family or if you feel there's something you really want to stock up on. I also use websites like coupons.com and couponmom.com as well as SmartSource.com , RedPlum.com and WeUseCoupons.com Those are the major ones I use. They have helpful hints to help you coupon and links to more coupon websites too. Also Target's website has a section for coupons and some of them are manufacturers coupons while some are Target coupons.
I research the store's website, browsing their local ad to see the deals and compare prices. I usually do this on Saturday and Sunday nights since one of the stores I use changes their sales on Saturday night while the other major store I use changes their ads on Sunday nights. I shop stores like Meijer, Kroger, Walgreens, CVS. The coupon policy is different for each store. Right now, Kroger will double every coupon up to $1. So say you have a $.50 coupon for something, Kroger will give you the other $.50 so you will save $1. Meijer does that too, but only on the first 2 coupons so if you want to use more than 2 of a coupon that is less than $1 you will only get face value for each additional coupon. CVS, Target and Walgreens sometimes have store coupons that you can use in addition to a manufacturers coupon. I have personally only done this at Target and tried at Walgreens, but the store coupon was $.99 and my manufacturers coupon was $1 and for some reason she would not allow me to use the coupon.

This is kind of hard, dedicated work. Takes patience and sometimes you can be in the stores for a few hours. I am fortunate enough to have all these stores really close by so as to not have to drive all around to save money. I have been to as many as 3 different stores in one shopping trip.

Today, I bought $134.05 worth of groceries at 2 different stores for $55.04. total savings of $79.01. I saved $34.48 in coupons alone along with $44.53 in store promotions and bonus coupons. I purchased 67 items total. Some of them were:

oral b toothbrush $2.00 ea -2.00 off 1 coupon =free x5
suave deodorant $1.19 ea -$.50 coupon (doubles to $1) $.19 x4=$.76
hunts tomato sauce $.97 ea coupon for free store brand pasta when you buy 3 I bought 4 cause that stuff is like $1.07 at Wal-Mart if not more. $3.88 and the pasta was $1.05 (free)
tuna and hamburger helper 10 for $10 -$.75 off 3 (doubles to $1)=3 for $2 x 2 so 6 boxes for $4
frozen vegetables again 10 for $10 -$.60 off 3= 3 for $2 x2 so 6 for $4
post cereal $1.88-$1 coupon $.88 x4=$3.52
coca cola 3 12pk for $9
dial hand soap $1 ea -$.35 (doubles to $.70)= $.30 x3= $.90

That's just a sample of the things I bought today.

I also got 2 razors one today and one yesterday at walgreens sale priced at $7.99. I had a manufacturers coupon for -$2.00=5.99. Then, you get a coupon at the register called register rewards for $4.00 off your next purchase so I have $8.00 to spend at Walgreens now.
I will try to write more blogs as I get better at this. There are so many different ways you can coupon and probably a ton more options out there like coupon clipping services but I am doing good enough on my own I think. I am not trying to buy a boat load of stuff just because I can. I don't understand the point of buying a ton of one item, you know you will never use that much of just cause it's cheap.

couponing

2011-02-06T00:39:00.003-05:00

Tired of being broke and feeling like I need a second job, I've decided to do what so many of my money savvy friends are doing, and that's couponing. Last Sunday, I purchased 4 newspapers on top of printing and clipping coupons online. I scan online ads and compare them to the coupons I have. I am off on the weekends, so I decided to make Saturday my day to shop for groceries. I go to Kroger and what would have cost me 151.79 costs me 74.63 due to my strategic planning and scouring the ads for the best deals and Kroger's awesome sale prices they have as well. I only bought items that were already on sale and I had a coupon for. So for instance I had a coupon for some pancake mix which was priced at 1.49. At Kroger your coupon doubles mine was $.50 so since I had 4 coupons for said mix, I bought 4 for $.49 each. I also had coupons for $.75 off toothpaste that was on sale for $.98 and since that coupon was worth $1.00 I got 5 tubes of toothpaste free. Toothbrushes that were $.98 were like $.18 a piece because of my $.40 coupon doubling. I bought some other stuff I didn't have a coupon for but it was on sale and I ended up saving more than I spent. For my first trip I have to say it was very successful and exciting to see how much I am saving for my family. Hopefully this will help me not feel as broke as I truly am, and my goal is to use the money I am saving from groceries, to put towards other bills that need to get outta my face!

pondering life

2011-01-15T00:23:00.002-05:00

You often wonder why you were given a second chance at life. You drown at age four, jumped into the wrong side of the pool and didn't know how to swim. You had to have CPR performed, rushed to the hospital, IV's inserted, scary stuff! So instead why didn't God just take you then? It would have been a lot easier. So then, you find something simple you're glad to be alive for and when you're four, it's probably a simple toy because you have both parented forever in your little mind and life means very little to a four year old. Not because you are heartless but simply because you know any better. Then you grow up and the older you get the more you understand life or so that's what's suppose to happen. You are now thankful for your parents but only when they aren't up in your business. You have a few good friends now and you loath your sister. She's a pain the the ass that never leaves you alone and you cherish your alone time, well, you do if you're me. So then you grow up even more, appreciating the little things in life if you were raised right, food, clothes, a roof over your head, your curfew, OK, maybe you don't appreciate or understand all the rules but you will sooner than you think. Mom and dad seem like the enemy, you're never left alone with your boyfriend and you just now got a TV in your room because mom found it in some one's spring cleaning junk and it still worked. You idolize and crush on people that won't even matter in a few years but it doesn't matter because you live in the now. You listen to music and try to fit in desperately. Your mom still won't buy you any name brand shoes or clothes which completely sucks and is totally not fair but unbenounced to you, she is actually teaching you something that you'll totally appreciate when you have to buy stuff yourself. Your parents divorce and you hate someone for it but not sure who to hate. Dad gets remarried and now you have a brother. He is like your best friend but he's only 2 and he has no clue but you sense he admires you.

And now you're out on your own. No job experience, mom wanted you to concentrate on school, which by the way, got you place #36 out of 198 but not much more. What do you do? The easiest way out and furthest away from staying home feeling like a failure. Yes, you join the army. It fits like a square peg in a round hole. Totally too girly, you end up crying every day you're there instead of using that energy toward something more productive. But somehow, through adversity, you make it. No thanks to the cute virgin guy who had more confidence in you than you did, you find that everything you thought was going to kill you did in fact do quite the opposite. AIT was a blur, you were too busy partying and loving life. Hell you're 18, you're allowed. You have what you think is the most perfect boyfriend ever and he asks you to marry him. You say yes but aren't the perfect girlfriend, cheating on him having a blast not a care really.

Your sister has a kid, the cutest baby you've every been around up to this point in your life, well, next to your little brother and sister. You're stationed at Ft Campbell, KY, you still love that party scene and can have the greatest time as well as be the designated driver. Gay clubs, dance clubs, titty bars, you name it, you've been there and partied. Tequila, coke (the kind you drink) any kind of liquor, great friends or alone you know how to have fun. The wild nights dancing on stage teasing all the guys, sleeping with the cute guy your friend just described as her boyfriend. Sleeping with the cute nerd because you were drunk but so was he. Not remembering sleeping with people when they clearly remember you. Gaining so much confidence you never had. The fun times with Captain Ramos while you're a specialist.

Then you're deployed to Kosovo, sobering shock to appreciate even smaller things in life than before. Running water, clean clothes, paved streets even your hubcap less car that blew a tire in the first damn week you had it. You meet more people while deployed. The cute guy in special forces you slept with, the other in 3rd ID you fell in love with. You do crazy thing with said 3rd ID cutie. Things ill performed before or since. You struggle with depression or maybe just a bad case of someone feel sorry for me. Attempt suicide and spend a week in a mental hospital the sanest among the insane which results in an early discharge from the army. The cute 3rd ID guy is still there for you and doesn't think you're crazy at all maybe a bit of an attention whore but he's loving giving that attention. Pretty soon dad is there to pick you up from the airport forgiving, never hating a thing you've ever done. Parents love is unconditional as is your love for them.

So, clueless as to what the next step is, you go to California and Vegas, party some more look like a hooker in your best friends "wedding" at a Vegas chapel. Unemployed for about a month hating it so much. Get a shitty job at Converges. You work there two weeks before quitting and going to work for Wal-Mart. It's only temporary, right? At least you're in the vision center and vision, eyesight, glasses, is what you were trained on. Have a psycho boyfriend that physically abuses you one too many times and you kick him out. Psycho boyfriend leaves you roses at work and tapes homemade cards and poems to your car as well as leaves roses on your computer chair at home. Forces you to call your newest friend and ask him to stay the night. Of course this spawns a new relationship kinda unwanted but not resisted. He's a funny guy and laughs at your jokes too. He wants to be around you and you enjoy his company. He's in the army and deploys to Iraq as it's just starting. You don't hear from him for weeks. Your heart and eyes can't stop watching the news and your five minute phone call once a week sucks but it's great to hear his voice. Fearing the mailman isn't stopping by your house, you write a letter to him every day and get one back with a proposal. Yes of course! So when he returns you get married. A month later move to Texas. 3 more months later he goes back to Iraq. You're left alone missing him again. Watch the news swearing if someone came to the door in uniform, you would hurt them physically. You get put on lexapro for depression and why not? The one person you love more than anything got ripped away from you again. You're about 900 miles from the nearest family and you have no friends close by. Facebook, twitter even myspace doesn't exist. So your Christmas that year sucks and you refuse to take your tree down until you have Christmas with him. February it comes down, you finish Texas and move to Cincinnati but not before you get pregnant and lose a baby. That was probably a good eye opener. Question God and the meaning of life rightfully so. Your sister is pregnant again 3rd baby and while she goes on to have a healthy baby boy you are having a successful D&C performed.

Onward to Cincinnati. You live with family feeling like a moocher for about 3 months, not 100% sure on the exact time but it feels like close to forever. Starting to despise each other because he doesn't have a job yet and you still don't have a place to live. You work about an hour away and the commute sucks. So you find a cheap place and by cheap it's not worth the $350 a month you pay. You get pregnant and have a healthy baby boy but don't enjoy being pregnant due to your previous loss. But he's beautiful and you might now understand why you were granted a second chance at life when you where just four. But then when your son is about 4 months old, Iraq calls again. This time, you're too busy for the news and decide to boycott TV all together. You work full time and when you're not working you're with your son, barely with time to yourself. so then he comes back. New house now cause you're fucking super woman and bought and moved into a house all by yourself while he was deployed. Your son is 13 months old and afraid of his daddy. Thank God that doesn't last long. You kinda despise his return because he's screwing up your pattern of life. A month after he returns, you find out while he's deployed he befriended a girl, one who had no idea he was married or had a kid and instantly your heart sinks right into the very pit of your stomach if not further to your feet. You opened yourself up to him and he betrayed you. You begin questioning life again but there's gotta be someone out there that can appreciate you and care for you without the betrayal shit. Now you are hurt, forever wounded no matter how hard you try you can't forget the fact that he told someone else he loved them and then his excuse!! That is shittier than used toilet paper. "You didn't pay attention to me, write me or send me care packages." Well, really? Fucking loser. So yes, you forgive him but you can't seem to get over it. Rightfully so. Now you're stuck questioning yourself. Where do you wanna go? What do you want to do? Do you wanna be like this forever? Do you even know what you're feeling or doing? Do you think too much? You aren't spontaneous enough to just get out even thought you feel dead inside. You keep being told to think about everything you'll lose. Like what? A fucking house? Fuck that. You already live like friends. You have no idea what he spends his money on and don't care. You ask him for half the bills already and the sexual desire does not exist. If you do have sex you are imagining it's someone else. Sucha sad life you live. So you need to change it before your next suicide attempt is your last. You don't want your son to grow up in a broken home but that's probably better than the way it is now. So you continue to think, you do it so well, and eventually you'll realize that putting up with all this, being unhappy, staying stagnant for money or a child makes your second chance, not worth living.

Cincinnati Reds Rally on Fountain Square

2010-10-04T19:37:00.000-04:00

so excited to see them go far!!!!! all the way reds!!

what's bugging you?

2010-08-29T20:01:00.002-04:00

Dear Great Value, (wal-mart brand)

I opened this particular can of spinach, my taste buds watering, craving some spinach and there was something discolored in it. Not thinking anything of it I poured the contents of said can into a small pot and set it on the stove to cook. Upon serving, I decided to remove discolored piece only to notice it was a grasshopper's lower body with one leg still attached. I removed said piece but the damage was already done and i just threw the whole can in the garbage. I cooked a can of great value green beans too but could not eat that either because at that point it seemed as though my plate was teaming with grasshoppers. My appetite was ruined, even though I was assured by my mom that it was just added protein that it would do no harm, I couldn't get past the fact that there was still a grasshopper's lower body in my spinach. I am aware of how spinach grows, that one day, there could be a possibility of a bug piece in my vegetables, however, there is no warning on the can other than "allergy warning: may contain traces of PEANUTS" Although I am confused as to how this is even possible, and don't really want to know how it even COULD be possible, I do believe that changing the warning to 'traces of insects' would be a bit unappetizing to say the least. I am only writing to let you know that your bug-picker-outer was taking a smoke break <--(Mike's words) when my can of spinach went through the separation process. I don't think I will be buying any more spinach for a while either way by any manufacturer.

yes this was my actual complaint that I sent to Wal-Mart

ps yes I still work there....LOL

oil spill

2010-06-03T23:07:00.004-04:00

I hope you weren't thinking that I wasn't going to post my opinion on the oil spill. I actually am quite speechless on this matter. I think there is only one person to blame and that's the head honcho of the oil company responsible for doing the drilling. It is ultimately his responsibility to make sure that everyone that gets hired into his company knows what they are doing and to do the work right and safely.

Here is an article that my friend on facebook posted (thanks Carlyn) about the wildlife now being effected by the oil on the shore of Louisiana. Caught in the oil - The Big Picture - Boston.comIt's super sad. Most of the comments are valid and good points. Stop blaming the president, stop blaming the oil company start blaming yourself. I didn't make this damn mess but I am just as oil dependant as the rest of the world and am not afraid to admit it. The comment I got bothered by, now mind you I just skimmed the comments rather quickly not reading the first 500 or so but one really caught my eye. #573 was ORIGINALLY posted as "if we as humans cared about human life as much as the oil spill then there wouldn't be the issue of abortion and all the aborted babies." Something along those lines.
#691 is my comment

SOAP BOX TIME
I am proud to say I am pro choice. Is abortion a form of birth control? HELL NO! I once knew a girl that used it as such and I thought she was lower than scum. I personally would never get an abortion, I refuse to mess with what nature intended and I also know that when two people lay down with intentions on having sex, there is always the possibility that this could result in making a child whether that was the intentions or not. I am fully aware of my potential consequences. The comment was not relevant to the subject matter at hand and when I read it I shook my head and said "ohhh please!" Sometimes I just wish people would shut the hell up and not post crap if they have no thought process to back it up.

Andy Rooney is clueless?

2010-05-11T21:00:00.005-04:00

i60 Minutes/i' Andy Rooney Gunning for Gaga

This is just a short video of Andy Rooney expressing how little he knows on the world of music. He mentions artists like Sting and The Rolling Stones. Yea of course he would know who they are, they are about as old as him! He thinks of himself as a "normal, regular" guy that was in the army got married had kids and bought a house. Doesn't he know what year it is? This day in age more people are having kids, getting married maybe. Half of the people out there don't have jobs anymore either because they lost them or are too damn lazy to get one in the first place. This is the day in age where a lot of people that owned homes were foreclosed upon due to the sinking economy. So to be classified as normal now a days would almost be an insult to me. I consider myself above average. I have a job that pays above minimum wage and have had it for over 8 years now. I too served in the army, got married, had a child and bought a home. Hell I even own my truck. I don't know everyone on the Billboard top 200 list but I have heard of most of them. No i am not an avid Justin Bieber fan myself but I think Andy here needs to quit playing his records and go out and buy his first Ludacris cd or even Lady Gaga (not gah-guh). I can only assume that this is the Billboard 200 Artists chart he was talking about (although I only see 100 on here you can get the point right away) Either this man has lived under a rock since 1990 or needs to really click on youtube every now and then

The Billboard 200 Artists
Issue Date: 2009

# Artist Number of Charted titles Label
1 TAYLOR SWIFT 3 Big Machine
2 MILEY CYRUS 6 Hollywood
3 BEYONCE 2 Music World/Columbia/Sony Music
4 NICKELBACK 1 Roadrunner
5 RASCAL FLATTS 3 Lyric Street
6 BRITNEY SPEARS 3 Jive/JLG
7 KANYE WEST 1 Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam/IDJMG
8 LADY GAGA 1 Streamline/KonLive/Cherrytree/Interscope/IGA
9 EMINEM 1 Web/Shady/Aftermath/Interscope/IGA
10 THE BLACK EYED PEAS 1 Interscope/IGA
11 KINGS OF LEON 1 RCA/RMG
12 JAY-Z 2 Roc Nation/AG
13 JONAS BROTHERS 6 Hollywood
14 DAVID COOK 1 19/RCA/RMG
15 ZAC BROWN BAND 3 Roar/Bigger Picture/Home Grown/Atlantic/AG
16 SUGARLAND 3 Mercury Nashville/UMGN
17 PINK 1 LaFace/JLG
18 JAMIE FOXX 1 J/RMG
19 U2 1 Island/Interscope/IGA
20 DAUGHTRY 2 19/RCA/RMG
21 CARRIE UNDERWOOD 2 19/Arista Nashville/SMN
22 KEYSHIA COLE 2 Imani/Geffen/IGA
23 DAVE MATTHEWS BAND 2 Bama Rags/RCA/RMG
24 MAXWELL 1 Columbia/Sony Music
25 GREEN DAY 2 Reprise/Warner Bros.
26 T.I. 1 Grand Hustle/Atlantic/AG
27 KENNY CHESNEY 3 BNA/SMN
28 JASON MRAZ 2 Atlantic/AG
29 DARIUS RUCKER 1 Capitol Nashville
30 COLDPLAY 2 Capitol
31 GEORGE STRAIT 3 MCA Nashville/UMGN
32 MICHAEL JACKSON 6 MJJ/Epic/Sony Music
33 AC/DC 2 Columbia/Sony Music
34 WHITNEY HOUSTON 1 Arista/RMG
35 KELLY CLARKSON 1 S/19/RCA/Sony Music
36 THE FRAY 1 Epic/Sony Music
37 JASON ALDEAN 1 Broken Bow
38 MICHAEL BUBLE 2 143/Reprise/Warner Bros.
39 LADY ANTEBELLUM 1 Capitol Nashville
40 KEITH URBAN 3 Capitol Nashville
41 IL DIVO 1 SYCO/Columbia/Sony Music
42 AKON 1 Konvict/Upfront/SRC/Universal Motown/UMRG
43 THE KILLERS 1 Island/IDJMG
44 KID ROCK 1 Top Dog/Atlantic/AG
45 LIL WAYNE 3 Cash Money/Universal Motown/UMRG
46 TOBY KEITH 3 Show Dog Nashville
47 LUDACRIS 1 DTP/Def Jam/IDJMG
48 KATY PERRY 1 Capitol
49 BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN 2 Columbia/Sony Music
50 SHINEDOWN 1 Atlantic/AG
51 ANDREA BOCELLI 2 Sugar/Decca
52 DAVID ARCHULETA 2 19/Jive/JLG
53 GUNS N' ROSES 1 Black Frog/Geffen/IGA
54 ENYA 1 Reprise/Warner Bros.
55 DEMI LOVATO 2 Hollywood
56 BRAD PAISLEY 3 Arista Nashville/SMN
57 THEORY OF A DEADMAN 1 604/Roadrunner
58 HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD 3 A&M/Octone/IGA
59 ADELE 2 XL/Columbia/Sony Music
60 METALLICA 1 Warner Bros.
61 NE-YO 1 Def Jam/IDJMG
62 JAMEY JOHNSON 1 Mercury Nashville/UMGN
63 RIHANNA 2 SRP/Def Jam/IDJMG
64 KERI HILSON 1 Mosley/Zone 4/Interscope/IGA
65 THE ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS 1 Doghouse/DGC/Interscope/IGA
66 THE-DREAM 1 Radio Killa/Def Jam/IDJMG
67 ANTHONY HAMILTON 1 Mister's Music/So So Def/JLG
68 TIM MCGRAW 3 Curb
69 KIDZ BOP KIDS 5 Razor & Tie
70 SEAL 1 143/Warner Bros.
71 MARIAH CAREY 3 Island/IDJMG
72 FAITH HILL 1 Warner Bros. (Nashville)/WRN
73 ALAN JACKSON 3 Arista Nashville/SMN
74 BOB DYLAN 4 Columbia/Sony Music
75 HARRY CONNICK, JR. 2 Columbia/Sony Music
76 RICK ROSS 1 Maybach/Slip-N-Slide/Def Jam/IDJMG
77 FALL OUT BOY 1 Decaydance/Fueled By Ramen/Island/IDJMG
78 BARBRA STREISAND 1 Columbia/Sony Music
79 JOHN LEGEND 1 G.O.O.D./Columbia/Sony Music
80 T-PAIN 2 Konvict/Nappy Boy/Jive/JLG
81 COLBIE CAILLAT 2 Universal Republic/UMRG
82 CHICKENFOOT 1 Redline
83 PEARL JAM 1 Monkeywrench
84 DIANA KRALL 1 Verve/VG
85 MUSIQ SOULCHILD 2 Atlantic/AG
86 PARAMORE 3 Fueled By Ramen/AG
87 PLIES 1 Big Gates/Slip-N-Slide/Atlantic/AG
88 CHRISETTE MICHELE 1 Def Jam/IDJMG
89 JADAKISS 1 Ruff Ryders/D-Block/Roc-A-Fella/Def Jam/IDJMG
90 SOULJA BOY TELL'EM 1 ColliPark/Interscope/IGA
91 TREY SONGZ 1 Song Book/Atlantic/AG
92 LEONA LEWIS 1 SYCO/J/RMG
93 MIRANDA LAMBERT 2 Columbia (Nashville)/SMN
94 JENNIFER HUDSON 1 Arista/RMG
95 HINDER 1 Universal Republic/UMRG
96 ROB THOMAS 1 Emblem/Atlantic/AG
97 CASTING CROWNS 2 Beach Street/Reunion/Sony Music
98 3OH!3 1 Photo Finish
99 ELVIS PRESLEY 1 RCA Nashville/SMN
100 MARY MARY 1 My Block/Columbia/Sony Music

used (without permission) from Billboard.biz

aging

2010-05-10T20:33:00.002-04:00

All weekend I was fighting this whole aging process. I didn't want today, the day I become 30 years old, to come. I was dreading it..loathing it in fact. But here the day is and now is almost over. I woke up feeling the same as yesterday, which can be good or bad considering I feel like I have not accomplished anything in my life. I feel like my life is mediocre, not up to it's fullest potential but am proud of the accomplishments I have made.

I have made it through 3 decades. I did not jump into the middle of one either. I was born in 1980 so I started and completed 3 decades. I thank my parents for bringing me into the world and raising me to be who I am today. Who I am today is a very strong, smart woman that loves everyone regardless of your race, religion or any differences. I was brought up that we are all people and to think about others before I do anything because my actions might hurt someone else in the process. Sometimes though, you have to do things and hurt others in the process even though you don't really want to.

Now that the day is here I am proud to be who I am. I am 30 years old! I don't look it or feel it which is the most important part and I have a wonderful group of friends and family that love me. I want to thank you all for making this birthday great. Thank you so much for being my friend!

HOLY FU<%!*# SHIT!

2010-04-27T19:46:00.002-04:00

Ok I am officially PISSED THE HELL OFF!!!! Why did some days go by, a little over a week in fact since I have heard from this holy nightmare and she's emailing me again!? here's the latest. I am beyond PISSED!! I wanna drive to where she is and punch her in the face! I am sooo pissed!! a whole 7 days! grrrrr

Gloria M P April 27 at 1:42am Report
ok i see that he deleted ur ass so again u r of no important so just wanted to say that i don't care bout u and my family will never b affected by u

Crystal H K April 27 at 7:43pm
that's soo great!! you should have never been affected by me in the first place. sorry if my befriending ryan offended you in any way. He always talked of you as a sweet person but considering I did nothing to you and you write me a threatening email, I'd say he has no idea who you are! You are very immature for someone with children and for their sake, I hope you grow up. Ryan is in Iraq fighting in a war and you do this crap to him while he's gone? Start stuff with me when I haven't spoken to him since last year some time. Whatever. Get a life! I still wish RYAN a happy, long and healthy life and pray you change. I am sorry this has happened to him. He's such a sweet person and doesn't deserve this at all. By the way I am VERY important apparently since you couldn't stand the fact that I was listed as a friend on your husband's facebook page. This requires no reply so do my computer screen a favor and please do not reply. I am keeping all emails in case you decide to do something stupid. Have a great life!

i wanted to write how stupid and illiterate she is but i decided to keep it mature in case this becomes a problem. The shit I have to deal with sometimes. I guess it just keeps me on my toes..keeps some excitement, some spice in my otherwise normal life!

IS THIS GOING TO BE AN EVERY OTHER DAY EVENT?

2010-04-22T21:00:00.003-04:00

If so, I want out!! This is the craziest shit since high school drama!! Please people! So today I get another email to my facebook from my friend Ryan's mom telling me I am a waste of time. WHAT! A whole day of quiet and then this piece of randomness!!! HOLY FREAKING GROW UP PLEASE!!!

Here was my response..I am still patting myself on the back for not telling her what I really wanted to say! Which would have involved a few f words and a couple of piss off's.

YOU need to grow up! I was minding my own business, happy, married working full time, raising a child and YOUR IMMATURE daughter in law emailed me telling me she was going to break my "kneck" for talking to her husband, whom I haven't spoken to in months. This is really a sad situation because Ryan is a sweet person and a great friend. This is the kind of drama he doesn't need because he is suppose to be concentrating on his job over in Iraq and now he has to worry about some stuff that is happening back home that is unnecessary! The email from Gloria to me was uncalled for and rude when all she had to do was tell Ryan to delete me or get his password and delete me from his friends list herself. I don't lose sleep over stupid stuff like this but I will not be made to look like I did something wrong when I did nothing! I have no idea how Ryan is even doing although I hope he is well, because the last time I spoke to him I was talking about potty training my son and he has been potty trained since about Thanksgiving now. I have never did anything wrong to you now or in the past to make you have any ill will toward me but if you want to go around hating people then go ahead. If I am such a waste of time, why didn't you just let this go? or let it stay between me and Gloria? I always thought, based on what Ryan said about her, that she was a great person and great for him, but clearly SHE changed my opinion of her. I am no longer on Ryan's friend list anymore, along with all the other female friends he had in high school, so this should be the very LAST correspondence you have to write to me or to read from me. I hope that Ryan lives a long and happy life and I hope that I just wasted more of your time by you reading this. Please grow up and leave me alone as you have for the past 14 years or so.

so my ghetto fairy on the left shoulder, was soo biting it's tongue here..but I wanted my mature side to put this woman in her place. She is suppose to be a mother and a grandmother now, and she is attempting to fight her son's battles, possibly battles he has no idea about??? They started this I was minding my own business, going about my life then I get an email from Ryan's wife and when I read the topic I originally thought he had gotten hurt or worse...., and then read it and all of it's glorified ignorance pouring from the email with numerous spelling and grammatical errors galore, and quickly realized this was a classic case of jealous wife doesn't want her husband to have any female friends. I can't stand jealousy. It is a stupid and pointless emotion!

maturity? NO ROOM FOR THAT HERE!!

2010-04-20T21:37:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, there was this shy dorky girl with long hair and glasses. She had her 4 basic friends. Brandy, Robin, Malissa and Jennifer. Well one day back in 1996 or 1997, a nice guy joined the group of friends and started liking the shy dorky glasses wearing girl. His name was Ryan. He was a funny guy with a great sense of humor and sweet as can be. Had a natural talent for drawing and writing poetry (of which I still have)I think that would piss his wife right off now wouldn't it..maybe I should scan a few into facebook....ahh maybe..not. Don't need to be the shit stirrer!

So yesterday, I was sick as hell..went to work anyways toughed it out right? Came home slept all day from like 5:30 to about 7 this morning only waking up to pray to the porcelain God and go back to bed. My wonderful child woke me up as per the usual and then I checked my phone for any messages I might have gotten in my absence since I felt like I was pretty much absent from life yesterday. Low and behold, I get this email from my friend Ryan's wife

I AM RYAN WIFE
Gloria M P April 20 at 4:58am Report
DON'T EMAIL OR WRITE HIM , IF U DO I WILL DRIVE TO WHERE U ARE @ and break u r kneck

OK so, I think I found Ryan on here sometime last year and all we did was talk about our families, not even about our past or anything and I get this. This is from the woman that Ryan always talked so highly of and I thought was great for Ryan. Apparently and obviously my opinion of this woman has changed drastically. If I was single, Ryan is not the man I would go after. He is not my type. He is way too nice and just makes a great friend! So I reply

Crystal H K April 20 at 6:59am
Really? Wow.

Sooo apparently word gets to Ryan's mom..oh meanwhile Ryan is in Iraq defending his country and doing his job and now has this drama on top of his already difficult duty, lowering concentration on the task at hand because some unnessary crap has gone down at home! I haven't spoken to Ryan in months last I did speak to him he was having a little trouble with one of his step sons and I was telling him my latests on potty training troubles with Brandon. His mother hasn't said 2 words to me since junior prom, then out of the blue today writes this to me.

My son, Ryan! My daughter in law.
Wendy M. R April 20 at 3:57pm Report
Come on, you guys were only 16 years old! Puleeeeeze! clean it up, girl!

to which my reply was....

Crystal H K April 20 at 4:32pm
What? Really? She sent me an email telling me she will break my "kneck" and I need to clean it up? I haven't talked to ryan in months and when I did it was about our families so just leave me alone and have ryan delete me if its a problem!

I am pretty pissy that she even said anything to me. I mean 14 years ago was the last time I even talked to her and I asked Ryan how she was doing some time back.
So now I look at Ryan's friend list and count 10 women. 1 being his wife and 1 being his mother. He has 66 friends total. I don't know what happened between them, but I want no part of it! Leave me out of your drama..frankly if he would have just deleted me off of his friends list, I wouldn't have even noticed it for days more than likely.

shut the *#@! up!

2010-04-15T23:04:00.002-04:00

My friend and coworker, Gary, killed himself a little over a year ago. He had some issues with his health that continued to fluctuate leaving him hospitalized several times. The issues started to affect him mentally and he ended his suffering.It completely pisses me off when someone that has no idea what happened, makes a joke about him or the situation. I just wanna tell these morons to shut the fuck up. But instead I keep my mouth shut. I know, unbelievable, but I do, or I think of a nice way to correct them. I even do that when I am helping a customer at work. If they argue with me or keep talking over me, I try to just let them speak then correct them when they are wrong. Persistent arguing makes me stoop to their level of ghetto, arguing back which I can easily do. For some reason I can get to the level quite quickly especially at the store I work at. Think before you speak you may sound more ignorant that you know.

next on the agenda

more on my opinion on gays and that very uneducated Baptist (sorry Baptist people for insulting you by including her with your religion)

I read a little more and watched more videos on this FAMILY aka church. Let me just say that, first, I feel completely sorry for her children. Not able to have their own opinion and will forever be virgins... and 2 who would have sex with this woman 11 times???? REALLY??????? 11 kids and all of them are as ignorant as a turd. When you have your children outside a military funeral protesting that God hates fags and that pretty much everyone but them is going to hell, you are an idiot. This woman has actually complained that people have tried to run her over, bombed her church and also shot at her. Is she asking for sympathy? Cause uhhh sorry but I support gay marriage and my troops and love my country with every inch of my soul so she can kiss my happy ass as I am on my way to the fiery pits of hell before I will feel the least bit of sympathy for her or her family. Here's a thought lady: If you don't want people to try to off ya, shut the hell up! Especially any where near a military funeral.

Another thought on the protesting at the funerals and the 1st Amendment right of free speech:

When you are at a military funeral, there is no place for protest. If it wasn't for the soldiers that gave their life, you wouldn't even have the right. Our military, past and present, has fought and died to preserve the right to free speech. If you don't support them, you don't deserve to have any rights, period.

I am proud to say that I am a straight, married woman with acceptance for everyone no matter what color, religion, or sexual preference. I have said it before and will say it again and again. I SUPPORT HOMOSEXUALITY!!! Who you sleep with is NO ONE'S business and doesn't change who you are!

religious FREAKS!

2010-04-14T00:38:00.004-04:00

I am always opinionated about everything why let this moment of opportunity to step on my soap box pass me up.

I am not a very religious person. I believe in heaven and hell and God and the devil. I believe in an afterlife and in ghosts.

I believe in the Constitution of the United States of America and all that it stands for. I will do my best to not break any laws, to commit any crimes or to purposely hurt someone. I especially believe in the right to speak your mind. I think everyone should do that. Hell, if you don't people will walk all over you and you will never have a voice.

I recently read an article today that read Dad sues ‘Thank God for Dead Soldiers’ church.....

REALLY? This is a CHURCH? I heard of these weirdo people that go around and protest at soldiers funerals, glad they are dead, but had no idea it was because America supports gays, and more so had no idea it was a freaking church!!! I don't know of any place in the bible (I don't read it though, so correct me if I am wrong) where this is acceptable or justifiable to HATE someone because of what they believe in or support. I thought the bible explains how to get over differences and to love everyone regardless of what they look like or believe in? Am I clueless here?

Now, I come from a military family. See if you can keep up, my grandpa Himes was in the Army. My Grandpa Morin was also in the army. My dad and 2 of my uncles served in the military as well. I served my country and my husband serves his country to this day! I'LL BE DAMNED IF ANY OF THESE HYPOCRITICAL JERKS SHOW UP TO ANY MILITARY FUNERAL I AM EITHER A PART OF OR ATTENDING!!! So help me I will NOT put up with any kind of disrespect for any military person that GAVE THEIR LIFE for OUR freedom!!!! Don't these jerks know that without the same military that gave their life in the past, they wouldn't be able to speak their mind? What the hell is wrong with some people? It's perfectly fine if you don't approve of someones career choice but protesting at anyones funeral is disrespectful to the deceased as well as the family that supported and loved them! Someone that died for our country should be honored as a hero and given the up-most respect!! This day in age, you don't HAVE to be in the military, you CHOOSE to join! If you don't like what America supports then GET OUT! I hear Mexico has room!

reading and writing

2010-03-31T22:10:00.002-04:00

I have discovered a passion for reading and writing.....

ROMANCE.

Or some would like to call it soft-core porn.

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of it, the only opinion that matters is mine. I love to write romance and love stories. I have tried to write about other things but get so bored with those stories almost before they start. I have written several stories so far. I am really self conscious about my writing. I guess I don't want anyone to know how my mind thinks or think that maybe my mind is in some way like a man's in the fact that I...well..write and rather enjoy writing about sexual experiences. Almost unrealistic sexual experiences because the men in my stories are far too romantic. One day I will allow someone to read my stories or maybe a part of it but that day is not today.

What's on your mind?

2010-03-27T22:17:00.004-04:00

I am hardly a model citizen. I say what I think, rarely thinking before speaking.

I am sometimes rude and obnoxious.

I hate repeating myself over and over to someone.

I am one of those people that when I start something, if you interrupt me to do something else, chances are, I won't get back to doing my original task and it will go undone or done half-ass.

Other people's kids get on my nerves much easier than my own son does.

I hate it when someone is always looking for someone else to blame for something that wasn't done instead of figuring out a way to get it done.

Jealousy, I can't stand. I hate when someone is jealous of attention I am getting instead of trying to get their own.

Stupid people should be removed from the population. We are talking common sense stupid here.

The United States is a 2-faced country with people wanting to separate church and state, but hate that gays want to get married because it's "not in the bible"

If you don't like something, then change it. If it can't be changed then you have to change you.

Not everything that is bad for you will have the same result for me.

Some religions are hardly religions, but more like cults with weird extremists that have too much time on their hands.

If I was president I would tell a lot of these countries we are always helping with nothing in return to piss off.

Fix the welfare system it is OBVIOUSLY broken. Another if I was the president moment: I would demand drug testing for everyone on welfare and also have a time limit on it and unless you have a damn good medical reason why you can't work, you need to be trying to find a job even if you have to scrub toilets, you better work. I am tired of busting my ass so most of these people can sit around and make babies, and live off my hard working money.

The United States Military deserves a pay raise before anyone in any political office does! If it wasn't for these men and women volunteering to protect and defend them, then they wouldn't be able to screw up our country anymore.

Mandatory enlistment for all United States male citizens at age 18. 2 year enlistment requirement.

All automated phone numbers that you have to press 2 for English should be disconnected! I should never have to press 2 for English! English should ALWAYS be the #1 language and if you don't understand English YOU press 2!

I will never understand a criminal mind, why anyone can hurt another person, especially a child, so contrary to popular belief, I feel I am half way normal because of that!

I think I am done for now. I know for a fact I didn't get everything. These are just a few things on my mind right now.

WOW, Ain't that just spiffy?

2010-03-25T22:55:00.003-04:00

So, now that my sister has COMPLETELY cut me out of her life, I guess I can post about her now since I know she will never read it. Although most of me wants to just tell her to go to hell, I will not allow myself to stoop to such levels. I aught to stop writing now because I am madder than hell, but if I do that then I won't be able to get my true feelings out and pent up anger is only cause for medical issues in the future so here it goes.

Around my son's birthday, my mom came to visit. No biggie, right? I live 10 hours or so away from her, it's an easy drive. Mind you my sister, yea she lives about 3 days away (4 hours by plane) in Washington state.

Anyways I searched for the exact comment to get it read and to see exactly where it went wrong. I FOUND THE COMMENT!!! You aren't going to believe your eyes when you read it!! It was on my mom's page!

Dated: January 20,2010 at 6:56am. Mom put "is getting ready for her drive to Cincinnati.....I65 watch out"
comments are as follows:

Donna D make it a safe trip Patty!!
January 20 at 7:23am

Kim D Have fun Patty!
January 20 at 7:40am

Crystal Himes Kuhns oh no that means you are on your way here!
January 20 at 7:52am ·

Patty Vetter-Bacciri i can go to nashville instead
January 20 at 7:57am

Patty Vetter-Bacciri i am sure i can find something to do there for 5 days
January 20 at 7:57am

Tarylyn Himes Burge must be nice
January 20 at 12:46pm

Crystal Himes Kuhns Aww you wanna come visit sista? :)
January 20 at 12:57pm ·

Terry T V Have a great time!
January 20 at 4:03pm

Ok, so the confusion sets in now. Shortly after this status message was posted, mom noticed my sister's absence from the Bejeweled Blitz application and I did quickly after. The next day, my husband and my mom's husband were also missing her from their friends list.

I am not sure where in this message, (which is the last message that Tarylyn was seen to comment on) did I or anyone else insult her or anyone else in her family. I have no idea why my sister stopped talking to me. Am I upset? Sure. Am I going to lose sleep? HELL NO! My life will go on.

I am pissed because back in August I spent an unspecified amount of money to get 2 plane tickets to go up there to visit her for which I was so excited to do. I spent most of that week, in her house watching her play world of war craft next to her husband in their Internet cafe setup in their living room. Brandon was a turd, but he was 2 1/2. Her 3 kids were no angels either which is fine but I am not their mother and I had to step in and yell at Brandon several times for stuff I know he wasn't doing.

I love my sister and it totally breaks my heart that she has gone and pushed HER family away. The family she married into is her family too but have never been there for her when she was younger. Her posts on her blogs piss me off too telling lies about how my family was when we were younger.

this is from her blog entitled "my absence" dated November 14, 2009. I really really got upset at this and have answered her in the form of an unsent letter due to the fact that I am pretty damn sure she won't read it or even care if she actually did read it.

Saturday, November 14, 2009
My absence
I really didn't expect to not blog about my last post, but I think I just realized that people can COMPLETELY change and I think I am one of those people. I was brought up in a family that drank, got drunk, partied, etc just about every flipping weekend and I learned to loathe it because I saw just how absolutely STUPID people looked/acted when they were drunk. I grew up in a home that didn't actively go to any church and freely used language that was inappropriate (in my eyes). I just have changed so much since being married to Brad and regardless of what my family may think, I think I am a heck of a better person now than I was 10 years ago. I did enjoy my sister's visit, but it was NOTHING like how I planned it. We did have a lot of fun, but to be honest...we didn't spend much time together outside of road trips. Not that that is a big huge deal, but it wasn't what I was expecting after not seeing my sister for three years.
I guess this brings me to my most current rant...you know, family sometimes just...WOW. I have 2 parents that I love, and am most thankful for because they gave me life, but I feel so completely estranged from them that talking to my dad feels like talking to a complete stranger, and having a mother that wonders about my kids constantly but can't take five minutes out of her day to call me on my birthday when I know for a fact that she calls my sister every EVERY flipping day drives me... NUTS. Jealous? sure, who wouldn't be? I've been treated this way for 27 years and quite frankly should be used to getting the short end of the stick, but quite obviously I'm not because I'm blogging about it. I think the biggest thing for me is I just can't understand WHY...or WHAT is wrong with me that I cannot have the same love and affection given to me that is given to others. Its really not a big deal, REALLY it isn't, but you know what...I am just tired of it. I actually moved to Washington State, the decision to do that was made so much easier by the fact that I was trying to run from my problems. I am glad Washington is as beautiful and lovely as it is (and thankful for the family that I have here) because the problems followed me. But through everything...I am so thankful for the choices I have made and the life that I live. People may not like me for it, but I know that I am a better person. And if you cannot accept me for who I am, then that is your decision and it's on your shoulders, not mine.

My response was much longer and well ya know what I am feeling a little honest tonight so why not just post it! WARNING!! It's long and you can almost hear my anger and frustration!

Dear Tarylyn,

Upon checking my blog, I came across yours and saw your new post. And before I make my comments on it, I want you to know that I love you. I do. I love you very much in fact. So much so that it hurts to not be able to tell you in person how I feel and have to instead write either a blog or an email to which either you can just delete or not read at all. I am not good at hiding my feelings about anything and eventually if I don’t at least write down how I feel to “get it out” so to speak, I will just explode. I do express myself in written word real well as I see that you still do too.
There are several factors in this particular post dated November 14, 2009, that really stood out to me. I felt the need to personally address these points, due to the fact that you aired false accusations about MY family on a public blog.

First you said, “I was brought up in a family that drank, got drunk, partied etc just about every flippin weekend.”
question 1. What family did you grow up with? I ask this because I remember almost every weekend in Germany when dad wasn’t in the field or deployed, we were out sight seeing. Sure there were parties, and I’ll admit some of them probably got a bit out of hand but it obviously wasn’t that bad, we all survived.
question 2. Do you only focus on the negative? I know we didn’t grow up with a maid and a personal chef but I was never beaten to a pulp or given black eyes or sent to bed without dinner. We had a very normal childhood with parents that liked to have a good time. Maybe their idea of a good time doesn’t fancy you now but you never got hurt. Please stop saying that our parents were basically neglecting their children because it’s so far from the truth it isn’t funny.

Second “I grew up in a home that didn’t actively go to church and used language that was inappropriate (in my eyes).”
OK back the steam roller up here! Sure we didn’t go to church as a family but I remember several times (numerous in fact) where we went with friends. And going to church doesn’t make you a better person. There are people in jail that were religious before going and probably still are but still did the crime to get in there. I still don’t go to church but that doesn’t make me any worse of a person.
The language issues has me rotflmao! Seriously? Do we need to revisit the days of holes in the walls, throwing scissors and them sticking in the wall, cussing like a sailor? Kudos to you for not using that language anymore but some of the stuff you say is still quite inappropriate in front of your kids (to me anyways).

Now on to my visit with you. You said “I did enjoy my sister’s visit, but it was NOTHING like how I planned it.”
How about you share some of what you had planned? When I got home I wrote in my journal about my trip. Every single day, in some detail. I had a great time but I can hardly call it a vacation. Yelling at not 1 but 4 kids just about every day drove me crazy! The worst part was I was always punishing Brandon every single time even though I know it wasn’t always his fault. I tried to help you out, I really did but my gosh I wasn’t there to take over. I was there 7 full days and when we weren’t out doing something you were on your computer. I even tried to talk to you once when I organized the entire bucket of legos into corresponding stacks of size. Seriously? And my visit wasn’t want you expected!? Think about it: I spent however much money to get there, paid for nearly everything we did and then sat around your house in between while you played World of Warcraft. Come on you said it yourself it had been 3 years since you saw me. you think due to that fact, you would change your gaming routine to spend time with me. Sure it’s hard with the kids at each other’s throats to do anything adult, but there had to be something to talk about. So, tell me what you were expecting?

“I have two parents that I love and am most thankful for because they gave me life, but I feel so completely estranged from them that talking to my dad feels like talking to a complete stranger, and having a mother that wonders about my kids constantly but can’t take five minutes out of her day to call me on my birthday when I know for a fact she calls my sister every flippin days drives me...NUTS.”
TIME OUT!! WHAT?
My relationship with both my parents is due to me desiring to have one. I want to be in touch with my mom. And contrary to what you believe, she doesn’t call me every day I usually call her and I don’t call her every single day either. Yes, we talk often because I talk to her like she is my friend. She is the person I go to when I need someone. I don’t have many friends I can do that with so while mom is here, I am going to call her as often as I want. The funny thing here is NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU FROM DOING THE SAME THING!!! Your relationship with our parents is only what YOU make of it. It is a 2 way street when it comes to them because they know we have our own little lives that we created with our husbands. We have kids and they demand so much of our time. They also have lives too. You just have to force your way in and become a part of that life. You and I are two completely different people. Yes we have the same parents, but that is about it. I see things almost on a whole nother spectrum than you do. I love to talk to people and meet new people. I am not shy at all. You are very reserved and don’t really talk to anyone. We are going to see the same thing, differently. The way mom and dad love you, I am sure is exactly how they love me. You have to accept it the way you feel comfortable and if it’s not good enough, then tell them!!

I am really glad that you are happy with your life that you created for yourself. I hope that nothing ever makes that happiness fade. I am sorry that you moved to Washington state to “run away from your problems”, I am not sure what problems you were running away from or if “problems” in this context is referring to “family”. I do want to let you know that before you push every single person in YOUR family away forever, just remember, IF something should happen between you and Brad, that WE will ALWAYS be your family. I will ALWAYS be your sister. I want to be there for you if you should you ever need me or want me there. I sincerely love you but if you keep saying stuff like this, and airing it publicly ( I know not too many people read it but it’s still there), then you will be doing just that. There is nothing wrong with you and no one loves you any different. It’s all about how YOU see it and accept it. I want and CRAVE that love and affection so I go after it!!
Please remember, I am writing this to YOU. I didn’t call mom or dad and tell them what was written or anything, they can read for themselves. I wrote this to let you know that your blog hurt ME. I hope after you read this, if you read it, that you will still talk to me. If not then I hope that you at least read it and will think about what I wrote. I will always be here for you!

I have also just recently changed my phone number and she doesn't have it. I don't have plans to give it to her either.

Mini Blind recall

2009-12-15T09:33:00.002-05:00

Today my lovely son woke up at 6:20am. Not cool although all he really did was crawl into bed with me and say "mommy I wanna lay wit you." as he was crawling into the bed. After a few minutes he wanted me to turn on the tv which he complained about because it was too bright and then went to flip on the light. (makes no sense but that's how it happened) He then said he wanted his Christmas on which in his language means plug in the Christmas tree, so I got out of bed and he turned on the tv and I went back in my room after giving him his usual breakfast.

I am not a news watcher because the news frankly, pisses me off. The stupidity pouring out from the tv during the amount of time that the news is on makes me feel like a genius. I am not a genius by any means but man do I feel smarter when the news is on.

Today on the news, not sure what news show it was, but they reported that some unimaginable number of mini blinds are being recalled due to strangulation risks in children. I was thinking to myself what date was this story aired? What makes this news today, December 15, 2009? This is not news!! People, mini blind strings have killed or strangled children for a long time. It is stupid to recall something due to the negligence of the parents or person in charge of supervising a child! I will NOT be returning my mini blinds because I am a RESPONSIBLE parent and I DO NOT put my child's bed near the freaking window. Are these people stupid? I just don't understand why manufacturers have to change the way they make things that work great the way they are because there are a select group of people that are stupid. There is no good reason for this recall. Parenting classes? Yes! Recalling these blinds is not the answer. The kids will end up hurting themselves on something else because of irresponsible parents. I have blinds with the loop strings (which is the strangulation hazard)that I have (and this concept may be hard to grasp but here it is)wrapped around the safety hardware that came with it and is up high enough for my child not to reach!!! Come on people. Use common sense. If you have a window with the mini blinds on it in your baby's room, MOVE THE BED ONTO ANOTHER WALL AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!!

Twilight Cycles from Brandon Routh - Video

2009-12-04T22:36:00.002-05:00

Twilight Cycles from Brandon Routh - Video

I came across this absolutely hilarious video the other day that was linked onto my facebook page. HILARIOUS I tell you!!!! If you are a Twilight fan, even if you aren't, this is worth a few minutes of your time!!!

hmm I seem to be extremely opinionated lately!

2009-11-11T10:04:00.006-05:00

OK....soooooo this Dallas Cowboy cheerleader dressed up like L'il Wayne for Halloween. She donned makeup to make her look black and also put fake tattoos all over her face and well I added the link so you can click and see for yourself.
www.blackvoices.com/boards/entertainment/entertainmnt/entertainment/dallas-cowboy-cheerleader-in-blackface/277594/1 ok so it won't freaking link...I don't know what I am doing wrong but just copy and paste it so you can see for yourself.

OK so it was HALLOWEEN PEOPLE!!! The ONE day a year you can get dressed up as something you can't be any other day (unless you really wanna look stupid) and go out and have a good time. There are so many adults that don't dress up so why ruin it for the ones that want to? Do I think she made a bad judgement call on her costume of choice? Sure. But not enough to bring on racial comments or kick her off the cheer leading team. If that's the case then the Wayans brothers, that made the movie White Chicks, should never be able to make another movie again!!!! This racial shit can go 2 ways people. Just check out that stupid website that I tried to join to put my two cents in there but realized before I hit "register" that it would have been pointless. (never mind the fact that it is called "Black Voices") Most of those people are still in the mind frame of about 40-50 years ago. Although some of them appear to have some sense and don't see anything wrong with it. Whatever happened to "we shall over come"? Does that only go for white people? What about BET (Black Entertainment Television)? Has no one seen the racism there? There are so many other racial points I can bring up here but I don't have the time nor desire to bring them up, plus most of you already know them so no need.

I am by no means racist. I will treat everyone the same. There are ignorant people of every color. I look at everyone as a person. If you act ignorant then you have helped me create a stereotype for you regardless of your color, religion, how much money you have etc. I don't care.

Last on this costume situation, as I stated above, poor choice. Poorly done in my opinion, (if it wasn't captioned at the top of the page I'd have no idea who the hell she was trying to be) the only part that was done well was the makeup all over her body, which come on give her some credit, had to take freakin' forever! She just looks like a dead person....seriously.....

One more thing, look at the site, scroll down to near the bottom, you will see a picture of her at the party she went to posing with 2 black women. They appear to be authentic and they don't look like they are going to rip her head off for "impersonating a black man". They,as I did, probably thought it was funny and remembered it was HALLOWEEN!!!

I have to thank 96ROCK for posting this on their daily shlog which you can see here http://www.purerock96.com/gamblenfin/tabid/266/Default.aspx best morning show on the radio in Cincinnati!

to Major Hasan (dickface coward from the Fort Hood shootings)

2009-11-10T09:35:00.007-05:00

Asshole,

The attack on Fort Hood, did not directly involve me or indirectly for that matter, however I have a lot of disgust for YOU, the coward that did this. There is no excuse, whether it be moral, religious or otherwise, to load up two hand guns and go to an army post and just start shooting random soldiers! NONE! Hello!!! Why not just kill yourself?? No you had to be a selfish low life bastard and kill innocent people. A mother to be, defenders of my freedom!!! I don't give a shit about what religion you practiced you were in the UNITED STATES ARMY for 19 years. A Major at that. A doctor major. A psychiatrist doctor. Paid to listen to soldiers talk about their issues with what they did in combat. Soldiers that had freaking stress in their lives, but didn't go on an army post and shoot up random AMERICANS! Some soldiers that got deployed numerous times compared to your ZERO times. My problem with you is that as previously stated, you're a DOCTOR, when you get deployed, chances of you seeing actual combat, going out on the front lines with the real soldiers, were slim to NONE! Everyone lower ranking than you, trained every day for combat, would be the ones seeing the action. You wouldn't have had to actually kill "fellow" Muslims.
You supposedly loved this country and loved being in the army. September 11, 2001 happened over 8 years ago. OK so did you just suddenly convert to Muslim? Or have you been actively trying to get out of the army for the past 8 years and no one gave a shit? I mean surly you had to know that since September 11,2001, we were gonna go after the gutless swine that attacked our country that day. But no, you continued to take patients and listen to them confess about the bloodshed and the disgusting things they had to do to people of your religion. This here to me is a classic case of snapped. You friggin lost your marbles and decided to suddenly take some Arabic classes, which you spoke poorly and practice whatever it is that Muslims practice. By all means not every single person that is Muslim is a freak, there are quite a few though.
When you enlist, willingly, into the United States Military, you swear to an oath, that you will do what your country requires of you. Refusing to do so, is treason, why the hell be in the Army if you can't be a soldier first? You may have to kill fellow Christians, Muslims, whatever religion you are, you may have to kill people of your own religion. You really don't have to though, you could just let them kill you. I don't give a shit. It's kill or be killed when you are in war.
You were a trusted military officer. It is because of you, that I think most soldiers are now going to have to watch their back and Muslim soldiers no matter what, are going to have to go through a lot more hell to be a soldier. So my advice to the army would be, if a Muslim extremist decides that he wants out, best thing to do is let him out of the army. It does no good to keep a moron in, that would do harm to his fellow comrades.
Your punishment should consist of mostly torture. I say shoot you a few times, wounding you, allowing the wounds to get infected then do surgery, wait for you to recover fully from surgery and do it again. 14 times. Once for every person killed by you and once for me.

Sincerely....

my essay for Defining Twilight

2009-07-10T17:30:00.004-04:00

Defining Twilight is an essay contest you have to use 8 words
omnipresent
inconsequential
sauntered
noble
permanence
exiled
detested
erratic

This is my essay.
You don't have to write it about Twilight, but you can. I chose not to. I need to edit it a little more and correct grammar and punctuation cause that's judged too. essay can't be longer than 1000 words and you have to use correct grammar and spelling as well as punctuation.

They work every day. Nine to five is out of the question. Weekends blend into the work week like any other day. they are constantly on alert, day and night, ready to attack any enemy that might have accidentally sauntered into their territory. There is no permanence in the place they rest their feet. The are always on the move, trudging through the thick, omnipresent sand. It's in the air, which consequentially ends up in their lungs, in their boots and plastered to their skin. Sometimes, they even eat it. They do patrols in 105 degree heat, completely covered in body armor. Patrols are not enjoyable during the day, however, utterly detested at night. Imagine; pitch black skies, (except the occasional moonlight), wild animals, poisonous insects and no telling what else.
We always complain when the electricity goes out, when the mail runs late or when we run out of hot water in the middle of a relaxing hot shower, inconsequential to them. The can't even remember the last time they had a shower let alone the temperature of the water and have you tried reading a three week old letter under the moonlight or, if you're lucky and you have batteries, a flashlight?
After being exiled for a year or more, they receive news that it's time to prepare to go home. Preparing consists of several classes to re-civilize themselves to the happenings that are still going on in every day life. The are reminded that there is green grass and running water. They might have a new baby or a new car. Whatever the reason, they pray that they can return to some sort of normalcy. They are thankful they are deemed noble as opposed to the "baby killer" of the Vietnam War. They hope that the erratic gun fire heard at any give time of the day or night doesn't make them jump at the sound of a balloon popping suddenly or make it difficult to enjoy a firework celebration.
As you sit back and enjoy the material things you have in life, realize that if it wasn't for the soldiers fighting for your freedom, none if it would be possible. The United States soldier doesn't do it for themselves. The do it for their country. They do it for our freedom.

BITE ME! OK?

2009-06-18T22:20:00.003-04:00

Last night, as it is every single night, my phone was in my purse. My purse was in my bedroom and I was, guess where? I was on the computer (insert "go figure" in my husbands voice here). I think it was my dad that sent me an email of this really tall bridge, claiming to be the tallest in the world and I was so intrigued by it that I wanted to Google Earth it. So I did. The email gave little description to exact locale of said bridge, so I had to do a bit of Internet research to get the name of a town close by to narrow my search. But instead of doing my research on this bridge before I pulled up Google Earth, I searched nearly the whole E11 highway from Paris to Barcelona where it claimed to be, somewhere, getting sleepier by the minute. Then the name of the town, which slips memory right now, pops up on probably the 3rd page I decided to look at and I find that on Google Earth and narrow my search more. By the time I find it, which on Google Earth is a very impressive gray splotch hovering much closer to the satellite camera that took it's picture, making the other roads look like pieces of hair, I am really tired and pretty much lost interest too. I honestly don't remember doing much looking at it before I closed the stupid application down and shut my computer down. But this is where it gets good..
Mike signs onto msn messenger on his phone and sends me a pretty ugly message.
"It's pretty sad when this is the only way I can get ahold of you."
But before he even types that message, once I see him sign in, I get my phone that has 2 missed calls, out of my purse, and start calling him back. He doesn't answer after 2 tries so I stop trying. Then I get that message on msn messenger and then as soon as he sends it, he signs out so I can't reply.
I am tired anyway and I just want to go and do what I had planned, lay in bed and read my book. By the way in case anyone decides to read this, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult, is defiantly recommended if you are looking for something good to read.
And because Mike signed off the messenger before I could respond, I decide to be nice and text him, "I tried to call you back I'm sorry my phone was in my room in my purse I was google earthing this really tall bridge in France love you good night."
To which his response was, "Yea that's the same damn excuse I get every stupid night and if i did that you be getting on me about that BS."
Calmly I just type again, "good night"
And who knows his mood but here's what he types back, " OK whatever I see you don't give a shit like usual."
I text, "If that's the way you feel. I'm tired and this is pointless. Goodnight."
Nothing more was said.

So tonight when he left for work, he reached in to kiss me good-bye and my lips turned slightly so it wasn't a full on lip to lip kiss....I didn't realize what I had done, Brandon was just crying so hard that he made himself puke and I haven't really felt like myself emotionally lately but whatever. I pissed him off. Great. He storms out the door "WHATEVER" like a teenage girl, gets in his car and as I slip on one of my flip flops to go outside to try to make it all better, peels out of the driveway and heads to work. So I kicked my flip flop off and sit back down on the couch. I didn't realize that I could piss him off so much by not meaning to half way kiss him. Maybe most of it is the fact that I am drained of the ability to care anymore. I can't keep caring about hurting some one's feelings when I feel they couldn't give two shits if they hurt mine. I am sick of trying to please everyone. What about me? What about what I want? Has he ever once asked me if I am happy? NO! He just thinks because he can make me laugh on occasion that I am happy. I am not happy. I feel like a robot. Robots can't feel anything and that's how I am right now. I don't cry. I don't care. I don't fight for stuff or say I'm sorry anymore. I am not sorry. If I'm pissing you off, GOOD! Get pissed off. I'm not arguing with him anymore and if that seems like I could care less than maybe it's true.

Can you get postpartum depression for the first time when your only child is 2 1/2? If so, then I have it. If not then I am a freak and have it anyways. If there is one thing that I care about left in this world, it's defiantly him. I really have stopped caring about most everything except my son. He's not making me depressed. I think it's this constant fucking pattern I do every damn day. Get up, get dressed, take Brandon to school, go to work, come home, sometimes make dinner, and put Brandon to bed. It's really irritating. Sorry about the curse words, they make the post seem more "spicy" I just used my "sentence enhancers" LOL.

why bother?

2009-06-17T22:23:00.002-04:00

I think that's really how I feel lately. Why bother with anything? Me and momma had a conversation yesterday, I think that's when it was, we talk every day, anyways we talked about living life to the fullest and being truely happy. I don't know what truely happy is because I am not experiencing that. I can only tell you that I am here and I am trying really hard to make this work. I try so hard to please Brandon and Mike that I forget to think about myself. I feel very sad lately. I had a huge converstaion with Mike a few weeks ago and I give up now. I poured my heart out and got little reaction. Sure he cried, but really, you have nothing to say? I am still upset about that but what am I gonna do? I am absoutly not happy with my job, I hate who I work with and feel like an outsider there. I want my reality to stop or to take a right turn down fantasy lane. I feel like I am rambling and on the verge of tears right now. I don't even know why I am posting, which I guess is the main reason for my title. Why should I even bother to write when no one reads what I write anyways? OK, now the verge that I mentioned earlier has been breeched.
The saddest part of how I feel is that I have absoutly no sexual desire with my husband. None. I don't want it with anyone for that matter. I am really tired though so maybe that's playing a part in how I feel. I think I am going to go to bed or at least lay there and read till I fall asleep. Feeling this way sucks. I read most of my posts and it doesn't seem like I post much on happy things in my life this whole thing is really depressing. I need friends. I want to hang out with people and have a good time. I never do anything.

last night...early thismorning

2009-04-10T23:13:00.002-04:00

Last night my power went out and my father in law told me tonight that it went out for a few hours. I only know it went out because my phone beeps when you plug it into the wall and I heard it beep and then I heard it beep what seemed like 15 minutes later to let me know that power was going back to it again. At about 4:30am, I heard what sounded like a key going into my front door. I quickly texted Mike and asked him if he was home already. He instantly called me and said, "uh no babe I am at work." I said it sounded like someone just tried to put a key in the front door. Mike told me, "my gun is under my side of the bed by the wall." So I grabbed the gun, I am shaking like a leaf, there's no way I can flipping operate this thing. So I go through the house turning on every light along the way. I'm still talking to Mike. I look like I know what I am doing with this gun, but in my head I am saying," please don't let there be anyone in this house and if there is please let the sight of the gun scare them cause I would probably only beat them with it if there is someone in this house." Now the whole time I am searching, I am creaking all through the house. My floor creeks. There is no way you can sneak in when we are sleeping. I can leave the door open and first of all my dogs would bark second of all the steps are hollow so they echo when you step. and third if you do manage to get up the stairs without me hearing you, unless you know where to step in here and only me and Mike know where to avoid the creakiest creeks, I am going to hear you.

Now of course I wasn't thinking any of these things when I was searching the house. So I decide to check downstairs. Not only is it dark down there but there was towels that Mike threw down there at the bottom of the steps so anyone trying to sneak in would probably slip on them and bust their ass. So I didn't check every room downstairs. The dogs never did bark so I should have called off the search before I got started but I was scared. So I went back to bed. I turned on the tv and listened to George Lopez on Nickelodeon. I love that show. Pretty soon it was time to wake up and start the day.

Turns out, since the dogs sleep in a cage and the bottom of the cage is plastic, I have come to the conclusion that, it was one of the dogs that scraped their nails on the plastic and it made a sound like a key going into the lock. It's not all that crazy of an idea. Their room is right by the front door just downstairs. I hate being alone at night!

On another note:

Brandon is doing really good with potty training. He even got something really sweet wrote on his paper yesterday. It said "Brandon is doing really well on the potty!" I was soo happy. I tried to get him to go on the potty last night but he wasn't game. He didn't want to wear a "baby diaper" either though. So I let him go without for a little while. He was looking out the window for "paw paw" and peed on the wall. I got mad at him and told him to go sit on the potty. He told me yesterday while I was changing his morning diaper, "no touch my wiener" Where the hell did that come from? I was cleaning him up cause he had peed through his diaper. He's silly.

So tonight he had stamps again, (reward for going potty in school) on both hands. So I got excited and told him how proud I was of him. As I was changing him into his jamies, I asked him if he wanted to go pee pee on the potty. He said yes. Went in there and peed. I stared getting excited and singing and dancing. He liked that and started laughing and wanted me to sing and dance more. I said I can only do it when you go pee pee on the potty chair. Sooooo maybe this will be motivation!!! Momma making an ass of herself. Ah well, if it works I'll try it!!

Brandon is..

2009-03-31T22:23:00.002-04:00

...afraid of the dark. All of a sudden. Sunday, you know the "pee on the remote day" my mom was on the computer most of the day as I was and that night when I went to make dinner, momma was entertaining Brandon with msn messenger. We do these little "winks" on there and one was this green kid that jumps out of no where and screams and scares ya. It really scared Brandon soo much. He didn't even want to look at the computer anymore. Kept saying to me "No kid" (it looks like a kid I guess)

Fast Forward to Monday night:

So it's bed time and after our story, I did the 1,2, 3 thing and put his blanket on him as I do every night and shut off his light and shut his door. I go out to the living room and Mike is watching wrestling and has the surround sound on so I couldn't tell that Brandon was crying. By the time I heard him he was screaming and crying. I went in his room and asked him what was wrong. He kept saying "no kid no kid" I said no sweety there's no kid. He was still crying. He hadn't fallen asleep yet so it wasn't a bad dream. He was thinking about that wink from Sunday night! So I tried to calm him by rubbing his back and singing twinkle twinkle little star. I tried to leave again, shut the door and immediately he started crying again. I went in there and he was talking about a monster. I grabbed his bat, and hit it under the bed and said "ohhh there is goes running out the door" I told him not to worry about monsters cause they can't jump or climb (he's still in a crib) That still didn't soothe him so I put his monster trucks in the bed with him. He loves monster trucks. I turned the light off and left and he told me "no shut the door" I said ok. So I waited for him to fall asleep then I shut the door.

Ok so now it's Tuesday night and after going all day without hearing him talk about "the kid" or any monsters, bed time comes and I read him a story..the same story by the way going for 3 nights in a row now! I do the 1, 2, 3 with the blanket and pull it over him and then he goes "no kid" his eyes get as big as bowling balls when he says this too so it's actually quite cute! I told him there's no kid sweety now go night night. He tells me "no shut the door" so I left it open again.

Today at school, he was bit under his right arm (pretty hard it left a good sized deep red mark) and hit a kid over the head with a school bus that he pushes around the floor. I can't yell at him for doing it cause I don't know what time of the day it happened. Mike had a talk with him about it and usually when something happens, I can ask Brandon and he will tell me what happened. Like the last time when he was bit, it wasn't wrote down on his paper and I asked Brandon who bit him and he said "Jake bite me" and told me that Jake went to time out and so did Brandon (himself). I asked the teacher the next day and she said yes they all 3 went to time out Jake, Brandon and Braylen (his best friend) cause they were hitting each other over the head with dinosaurs. So Brandon can tell me what happens!!

At work today, we started this new stupid computer ordering system for our contacts so it now takes me a lot longer to put a contact order in and it's quite irritating. I mean the system wasn't broken why "fix" it!

update:

2009-03-29T18:01:00.002-04:00

The remote works!!! I am thrilled that I don't have to explain to Time Warner Cable what happened to it!!

Potty training is going pretty good too. He can go a pretty long time without peeing in his pull up. We are still working on it though.

Potty Training and a Remote control

2009-03-29T14:23:00.003-04:00

Weird title huh? Well here's the explination.

So today is pretty much day one on the trying to potty train Brandon adventure. We first tried the pullups. It lasted a little while. He pulled them down went pee in the potty and then was sitting on my lap while talking to Nonna and he peed. First I could smell it then because of the design on the front of the pullups, I could tell he peed. I asked him if he peed in his pullup and he said "Yes!!" I said "NOOOO PEE IN THE POTTY CHAIR ONLY!" So I got this wild idea...let him go bare butt! It actually worked for a while. He sat on the potty and peed a few times and then went to play in his room. Was in there 2 minutes and then came to me and said "Mommy I peed!" I said "Where?" "In my room" I went in there and sure enough there was a puddle of pee under his train table. I spanked his butt and told him that he needed to pee in the potty!! I put him on the potty and then said well that was the first accident and he had been without a diaper or anything for about an hour or so. I thought that he didn't understand the whole potty training concept but when he came running to me telling me that he peed in his room I knew that he understood what we were trying to do.

So at this point of the day, he's in the living room. I go out there within about 5 minutes of him being in there to see if he needs to go use the potty...NOPE...He had already peed a pretty good sized puddle on the floor. I had just literally sat him on the potty about 5 minutes before hand. So I asked him if he peed on the floor and he said "yes" I said "NNNOOOO" and this time spanked him pretty hard and told him to go sit on the potty. I then sprayed carpet cleaner on the floor right there and proceded to make lunch. Hot dogs and baked beans. So then comes 1pm and it's time for Brandon to go down for nap and Mike to wake up for the day. He has a wedding that he's a part of, in May so he went to be fitted for his tux. He gets up goes to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom and I can't wait for him to get out of there, so I go use the bathroom downstairs. I hear him call down to me, "When you get up here, get the remote by the sink" I said "Why is it by the sink?" he said "OH you'll see" I said ok. I came upstairs and Mike was laughing. I said "what's wrong with the remote?" apparently when Mike went to pick it up to move it, it "dripped" on him! Brandon peed on the remote!! And not just any remote, he chose to pee on the flippin Time Warner Cable remote!!!!! So if this remote doesn't dry out, how the heck do I explain to the Time Warner people that I need a new remote??? Can you imagine the phone call.

possible phone call senario:
me: "yes I need a new remote. Mine doesn't work anymore"

Timewarner: "is there any physical damage?"

me: "uhhh yea, pee"

hahaha!!

I'm Depressed

2009-02-27T09:57:00.002-05:00

I am really trying very hard to find my feelings that I had for my husband way back when I married him 5 years ago, or even before I married him. I tell you I use to love him like there was no other man in the world. I use to look at him and see little "hearts" around his head because that's how much I was in love with him. Even when he came back from Iraq in 2004, he was different but I could still feel that he loved me. This last trip to Iraq changed him and not for the better. I don't know why it did. Why I feel like this last deployment was really the most changing on him but it was.

I was feeling "in the mood" yesterday, granted he just took a shower but it's not like sex is a daily thing in our house. I think we've had sex 2 times since being home from vacation for Brandon's birthday. He told me no he just took a shower. Well that made me feel like crap. Seriously a man turning down sex. How often does that happen? Then I start to doubt myself. Am I too fat? Do I not do it good enough for him? Am I unattractive?

So we were on our way to get Brandon and I was still discussing the sex issue I think or something along the lines of marriage and I made the comment "If I had known 5 years ago that marriage was like this, I wouldn't have done it." He just looked really pissed and didn't say anything. I then said, "Don't you think it would be hard to be with someone that has no feelings, rarely says I love you first, doesn't ever compliment you and never discusses their feelings? Cause I tell you it's hard as hell for me to do it!" He got even more mad and then said "every time I go to Iraq I numb myself" I told him I am not Iraq and never once do I think I've treated him like he was there so he can stop "numbing" himself now. I can't stand to be treated like this. It's as if I'm married to a zombie. I hate it. He's a good daddy and I'll never say anything different in that case but him as a husband is seriously depressing. I have never felt so unloved, unappreciated in my life. All I want is the man I married. I know I may never have that person again but I would really like him to start caring more about me and my feelings and how he's making me feel. I feel more alone with him here than I do when he's away. At least I can fantisize that he still loves me the same way.

He is trying to get a better job that is a day time job. I am praying he gets this job and hoping that more time together (going to bed together would be nice since now he works 3rd shift when I go to bed he goes to work and when he comes home Brandon gets up if he's not already up)will be just what we need. I don't know how much more I can take.

My New Year

2009-01-11T15:48:00.002-05:00

I started going to see a Psychologist earlier last month and I have to say that some of my issues are better but most of the issues that are better aren't affecting my life every day.

A little background on the issues that is better:

I have (or maybe now had) this horrible fear of fires. I don't know what started it but I have been extreamly afraid of them for as long as I can remember. Enough to the point that I almost hate leaving my house because I was afraid it would be burned to the ground by the time I got home. I didn't learn how to strike a match until I was about 14-15 years old. I didn't mess with lighters. I think that's one of the main reasons that I don't like gas stoves. I just hate it. I hate the smell of fires, even bbq. I just can't stand it. I hate to see something burnt..yea it's bad.
My dad's house burned down about 9 or so years ago. I was in the army and I went home that weekend. I was staying with my dad and I had left the house that day to go see my sister in school and to see some of my friends still there. On the way back to dad's house, my sister noticed that there was smoke on the hill but I didn't notice it. Well we got to dad's house and there was a fire truck there and I saw a girl that my stepmom worked with and she said that the shed caught on fire and that half the house burned down. All I could think of was my daddy and my little brother and sister. My little brother was probably 3 or so when it happened.
Anyways I had never quite got over that happening and it has really affected my life in a strange way that I don't really let anyone know about till now. Well going to the Psychologist has really helped me deal with that fear a little better. I can't say that it's gone, but I can say that I am not as terified about it now as I was. I can actually revisit those memories and smile and think that everyone is ok and the house is rebuilt and life has gone on.

I do however, still have my problems with my husband. Mike was such a good husband and a great friend to me when we first got married and now that we have Brandon, I feel so distant from him. I miss my bestfriend. I love Brandon and no matter what, would never want anything different. I don't know why things changed between us. I feel like I am a hotel owner right now. He comes home, I make dinner and he goes to bed. I mean I think that if he up and left me one day, I would be fine. I can't believe I feel this way about someone that I once felt soo strongly for that I thought if I ever lost him I would go insain but I am soo lonely right now. I have Brandon and that's it. Mike is working days right now with the army and last night he came home and had to do some sort of stupid course online which kept messing up and he kept cussing at it and I told him to shut up and if it didn't work to give up. First of all he didn't come home till almost 6, messed around on that damn computer for about an hour and a half or so while eating dinner. By the time he finished everything it was time for Brandon to go to bed. He got fusterated with Brandon the other night while getting him dressed so I stopped everything and went in there and did it myself. I think there's been a few days where Mike hasn't changed a single diaper, that's how much family time we spend together. I had 5 days off in a row (of which today is the last of) and I have spent less time with my family during this past 5 days than I would if he was working 3rd shift sleeping till 2 in the afternoon. Now he comes home, eats and watches some tv while I clean up after dinner and then he freaking goes to sleep. I get soo pissed.

When is it gonna be my turn again? When can I have the husband that I love back? I don't like this emotionless husband that came home from Iraq this time. My life sorta sucks right now. I really feel like Brandon is the glue holding me and him together.

If he left today, I'd probably help him pack his bags..I am just so sad.

Pissed off

2008-12-14T22:04:00.002-05:00

Mike had drill this past weekend. So he comes home early today and we go to his Christmas party thing his army unit had which sucked cause barely anyone showed up. Then we go home through the city because the Bengals game just let out and traffic on the highway was backed up. So we got back here and went across the street to his dad's house for a little while, came home and ate some leftover pizza from last night, and I went down stairs to throw some more laundry in the washer and Mike went down to bring up the stuff in the dryer. He came back up before me (I was playing with Brandon in his playroom) and fell asleep on the couch. I came in the computer room, got on the Internet for a few and Brandon came in here wanting to color so I grabbed his colors and we went out to the living room. I told Mike to wake up and go to freaking bed. What a loser it's flippin 7pm!! HE GOT PISSED AT ME FOR TELLING HIM TO GO TO BED!!!! Well I am tired too but I can't go and lay down cause I am going to be the responsible one and take care of my baby!!! Brandon is a good boy but still needs supervision. I swear I feel like he's worthless!!!! I'm tired too! I get up with Brandon and take care of him and take care of the dogs all he did was get up and go to stupid training for the army!!!

I really am getting sick of his crap. I even went to check on him a few times trying to get him to come downstairs and play with cars with me and bubs but noooooo he was tired. Brandon was in the bed trying to wake him up too going "daddy daddy play cars!" but Mike kept pulling the blankets over his head so I played with Brandon and his cars a little longer then I put in the movie Cars (when do DVDs finally wear out?) and we watched till 9:30 and he fought me going to bed. The movie wasn't over but I am tired although it's almost 10:30 now.

I just don't understand how someone can be such a selfish jerk. I let him hear how pissed I was at him. "Thanks for spending some time with your family!!" Cause you know with me working 9-11 hour days we have lots of freaking family time together!!! ASSHOLE!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-30T17:28:00.002-05:00

My Thanksgiving was nice. I was scared though that things weren't going to turn out right. I had to make a nearly 25 pound turkey by myself for the first time in my life. To me it was very disgusting. Having to dig inside that turkey's holes and drag out pieces of the turkey that once use to be a vital part of its life. You can't help by to feel a little sorry for the doomed bird. It's born and raised with all human intentions of destroying its life one day. To be stripped of its feathers and ripped of its organs only to have them shoved back in side their lifeless bodies in the wrong place. I kept saying out loud, "you poor, dumb creature." So after I was done with what I can only describe as violating the turkey, I covered it with vegetable oil and stuck it in an oven bag. It roasted on top of onions and celery for about 4 hours. Once I was done shoving my hands inside this bird, I didn't feel so sorry for it. If we didn't eat turkey, this stupid bird would have no purpose.

Once the turkey was removed from my oven (I couldn't fit another thing in there with it), I put my green bean casserole and corn casserole in and started boiling the potatoes for mashed potatoes. I started boiling water for stuffing and screwed up the first box and had to make a second box. Oh well. I either didn't put in the mix fast enough or I didn't stir the mix fast enough either way some of the bread didn't touch the water and was as hard in the pan as it was in the box. Thow that one outside and make another box. It was hot in my kitchen and I was racing against the clock because Mike had to leave for work at 7 and here it is 5:30. I put the sweet potatoes in the pot and got them boiling and turned off the heat and popped out the casseroles and in the cornbread. We were eating by 6pm. the turkey turned out perfect, very juicy. The pumpkin pies I made the day before from scratch turned out perfect too! I was so proud of myself for making such a tasty dinner.

With gree bean casserole being a very easy dish to make, never mind being scrumptious, I think I will be making it more often. I love to make cornbread and Mike loves green beans so bake some chicken with that and it's dinner! I think my New Years resolution is to start making a variety of stuff for dinner. I can even make stuff ahead of time and freeze it and then just re-heat in the oven or the microwave. i have known that all along but I think making dinner for Thanksgiving and it turning out so good, has really boosted my confidence in myself onmy cooking ability. I ain't no Rachel Ray but I am better that I ever thought!

2 weeks

2008-11-22T21:22:00.002-05:00

You can call it vacation from Mike, (haha I did), or 2 weeks by myself to take care of everything! I was so exhausted. I am so glad he's home now because for 2 weeks, which felt like 2 years, I was working and taking care of Brandon and the dogs and keeping the house clean. Some days I would wake up at 7 and if Brandon wasn't up, I would take the first 1/2 of the hour and get myself ready for work. Then I would get Brandon out of bed, feed him, dress him and get him ready for school and somewhere in there, find time to let the dogs out, feed them and let them back in all before 8am! Then, I would work from 9am-8pm come home put my purse down, go across the street get Brandon all while he is screaming MOMMA MOMMA!! and whining for juice and saying "HOME", trying to talk to my father in law to see how Brandon was and to let him know when the next time he'll have to pick up him up from school for me. Then go home carrying Brandon mostly because he doesn't want to walk. Get home bring Brandon up stairs cause he doesn't feel like walking up the stairs, turn on the tv, go down stairs, let the dogs out again only to find that they peed and pooped in their room. Stand on the porch watch them to make sure they don't try to get out of the fence, let them back in and then clean up dog poop, get Brandon dressed for bed and try to do all this before 9pm and while on the phone with my husband. I am yelling at him cause the dogs have once again pooped and peed in their room and I have had it!! He tells me "you need to calm down!!" Well yes I do need to calm down but he is the LAST person I needed to tell me to calm down. He's concentrating on his school that he's at for 2 weeks. I am doing everything else!! -1 thing.......-1000 things!!!! A single mom has my up most respect!! I could do it, I've done it before, but it's hard as heck and I wouldn't want to do everything all the time.

He had the nerve to ask me "I want to know what's going on!" I can't remember what day and I said "what are you talking about?" he said "you are constantly yelling at me." Then I told him "I am sick of you leaving me all the time and I know it's only 2 weeks but as you sit in your class and do your work, I am doing everything else. Life doesn't stop it's still going on here!" I was pretty hurt that he asked me what was going on like I was cheating on him or something. He was wanting to be a recruiter and started getting his stuff together to be one and I talked him out of it because I don't want anything to happen to our marriage and recruiting is a very hard job and it's stressful on marriages. I don't know too many people that have done recruiting married and stayed married. I don't know how much it's changed but I asked him to not do it. He got mad at me. I just don't want anything happening to our marriage. He means too much to me. So when he asked me "What's going on?" I was really hurt.

He came home Thursday night, and I have let him have the brunt of taking care of a lot of stuff. He's been taking the dogs out and helping me with Brandon. It's been easier and I am glad he's home!

Halloween

2008-11-06T15:33:00.008-05:00

So as we all know Halloween has come and went. Brandon was scared to death of his costume, which I bought too big for him last year (see pic)

So I wanted to see if it would fit this year, but I had the hardest time trying to get him to even look at it let alone try it on. Luckily, in his daycare (which I refer to as school) he learned about dinosaurs like 2 weeks before Halloween. So I made another attempt at trying on his costume like a week before Halloween and was surprised by his overwhelming excitement to try it on. It fit, snug, but it fit (not to be used again by him) and I almost had a hard time taking it off him. He was obsessed with the tail but refused to put on the hat which as you can see or maybe not see in the above pic that was the head of the dinosaur (even if you can't see it's common sense). Mike managed to force the head on for a couple of pics..notice that in the pics, he's not exactly excited to have it on..

and in one of the pics, I just about didn't get his head in it...but you can tell, next year we have to costume shop.

Trick or treating was fun with our headless dinosaur. We were both trying to get him to say trick or treat but that didn't work but Thank you was said every time he got candy, with the occasional greedy "more" There is certain candy I won't let him eat (chewy stuff, small stuff, gum, hard candy anything with peanut butter) but I separated his basket and he can have about half of it. He's managed to eat a couple of kit kats but took one bite of the last one and handed it to me "here e go momma"

Pumpkin picking was fun. We went to this place called Burger Farms on the other side of Cincinnati. Brandon loved all the "punkins" and it was cute hearing him say "punkins punkins" They had a straw maze there and we went in it. If you went the wrong way there was little scary things blocking the path. Well around the first corner daddy said "hey Brandon, go this way" and Brandon went around the corner and saw a skeleton and daddy screamed "ahhh" and Brandon about crapped himself and was afraid the whole rest of the time we were in there!

So we carved one "punkin" and I had these stick in things like Mr. Potato Head pieces that I got last year during the after Halloween sale and stuck them in the other one. Mike said it looked like me..I don't think so but you be the judge.

The other "punkin" Mike carved. He did a great job. We bought one of those carving kits and he traced the pattern onto the pumpkin and cut it out great. He tricked me while carving it by putting fake blood on the knife and sticking it in the pumpkin and letting it drip down the side! I freaked for a second. He was in the bathroom and he was laughing his butt off when he opened the door!! TURD!

We had a great Halloween. The first for Mike with Brandon so he took the night off work to go Trick-or-Treating with him. Brandon walked most of the way.
He also tried to go in 2 people's houses...It was cute..

highschool reunion

2008-11-06T14:40:00.011-05:00

Ok so lately I haven't been blogging..what was the date on the last one? Anyways there hasn't been too much to blog about. I try to save it until I have enough to talk about.
on October 9-12, we went down to Alabama for my high school reunion. I was excited to go because I wanted to see how many people actually show up and how much they have changed. I wasn't shocked that only about 15 people showed up and no one I really hung around.
Friday during the day, we went to the Army Aviation Museum on Fort Rucker. Brandon is on a plane and helicopter kick now and just had a great time. He was scared to go into the Chinook, but once he went in, he wouldn't come out and loved the cockpit display they have upstairs where you can get in with all the controls and stuff. He also loved looking at the Predator display..I think that's what it's called. It looks like a toy but has radar on it and they throw it up instead of going into enemy territory blinded, they "spy" with it. Mike says they use them in Iraq. I've seen videos of his unit using it and it was pretty cool.

We went to a football game that night and per usual the team lost. They were playing Eufala, who is a hard team anyways but that's besides the point. They won I think a total of 5 games the whole 4 years I went to that school and they were all homecoming games and we all know the other schools were begged and paid to have mercy on us so we could win.

One thing they did, that I don't recall ever happening when I went to school, was after the game the team came up to the band, the band played the alma matter and they sang it...I thought it was wonderful school spirit even though they lost!

The next day we all met at Stegall Park right by the high school and had a family day. Brandon was at nap time so he wasn't exactly happy but he did have a good time. I think this was the first time he swung on the swings by himself. not a baby swing, a big swing...I was sooo proud.

I threw in a slide pic too! He's just adorable!
Saturday night, we went to dinner at Applebee's in Ozark. I had a blast drinking and laughing with everyone at the table. More people showed up there about 25-30 or so but again, people I could have cared less to see. Some people didn't change at all while others I didn't recognize! Someone had brought their yearbook and said that I was the one that changed the most. I took it as a compliment. I was such a geek in high school. All in all, I had a good time! I would do it again in 10 more years.

Long time no post

2008-09-24T22:22:00.002-04:00

I have been busy...not really I just haven't felt like doing crap. I am feeling really confused about a lot of stuff.

I just had my 5th wedding anniversary and as happy as I should be, I really feel very opposite. I don't know what's going on with me but I need someone to talk to. I am just not happy right now. We had a great day together on our anniversary, went to dinner without the kid I had some really good drinks at Olive Garden, went to this place to play games and then went home, got the baby and watched a really awesome movie.

There are just so many things that Mike does that piss me off. He complains about having to get up with Brandon, forgets to let the dogs out..all day long, gets mad at me for stupid things. He barely calls me anymore and isn't very nice to me when he does. I just don't know what's going on. I want to be alone more than I want to be with him. I love being around Brandon, but I sometimes want to be without him too. It's making me really sad. I feel better when I talk about it but wish I had a friend to hang out with. I just want a friend that I can hang out with and talk to. I have no one. I am always with Mike or Brandon or both.

On another note completely off track......Brandon needed new shoes....I just got him a pair of skechers not too long ago..before Mike got back from Iraq I think it was April or so and got a size 6 1/2. Well Saturday, we went to the mall mostly to go to Bath and Body Works but we looked for new shoes for Brandon. Measured his foot and I wanted to cry. He is a size 8! Yes that's an 8!! I couldn't believe it! How did he skip a whole size and a half. Worse than that, here I am shoving his fat ol'e foot in a 6 1/2!! No wonder he was always taking his shoes off!!! Poor baby!!! How do you know when it's time for a new size? Other than measuring his foot, I would have never known. But he also doesn't fall nearly as much as before.

Oh well, I know there is greener grass somewhere......

stress

2008-08-15T21:14:00.002-04:00

I have a lot of stress in my life and I thought i was doing very good in keeping it under control but I think I am losing that control now. The deployments seem easy and now that they are done I shouldn't have stress anymore right??

WRONG!!

I feel more stressed out now. In the past year I have lost 3 people in my life 2 of which i was very close to and just so happened to be in this great ole month of August. It's been nearly a year since I lost my step-mother-in-law but there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wish she was here for her advice. I miss her so much. It's hard to replace a friend like that. Then just 2 weeks ago this Sunday, my friend Gary passed away. I worked with him and although he was older than me we were really good friends. I am really taking his death hard because it was a suicide. I have never had anyone I was really close to commit suicide so this is super hard for me to deal with.

So guess what? My favorite month is not August that's for damn sure!!! I hate this month. I can't wait till it's over maybe I'll feel better..

On to how I feel...
like I am dying..yes I feel like my back hurts all the time, I'm tired but I can't sleep, my chest hurts, my heart feels like it's gonna pound out of my chest a lot of the time, I am rarely hungry, and feel very sick sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe and I have a headache constantly. I want to feel better so I told my Dr about everything and she put me on 2 different anxiety medicines...I don't want to take medicines unless I have to so I am trying to tuff it out. It's hard cause I can't stop thinking about all the things that stress me out..It's a vicious cycle and I try so hard to stop thinking about everything but I just can't. I think I am really close to just breaking down and never speaking again....

Oh and things with Mike are soo much better. So that makes it a little easier to deal with cause I actually have him caring..calling when he's at work to check on me at all hours of the night and even texting me while I am at work to see if I am ok. He goes to work 4 nights a week now and leaves before I get off work most times cause he has to be there by 8 so he leaves at 7. He calls me at work to tell me he's on his way to work and I just love it. I feel like he cares but right now I am not really being the best wife. I am feeling soo tired lately...I just hope that he puts up with my crap..and knows this is not me I am trying to come out of this funk..I hate being in any kind of pain..

How I feel lately

2008-07-16T00:16:00.002-04:00

Well, I have been pretty sad. I feel like I looked so forward to Mike coming home from Iraq and it's been nothing but a let down. I found out something that I don't really want to talk about that is making my life harder than I wanted. I just wanted to get back to normal. I thought that having Mike home would be great. I finally have help with Brandon. I have some help but for the most part I have to ask him to help me. I seriously think I could do this by myself just the same. I love spending time all 3 of us but I feel like I am begging him to do things with us and then he's grumpy to do what I ask.

So yesterday after working 8-4 and then getting Brandon from school, I come home and ask Mike what he wants for dinner. He is unsure so we have this little "I don't know what do you want? I don't know what do you want?" type of thing going on. So I finally go in the kitchen and find this homestyle bakes things that all you have to do is throw it in the pan and add water or whatever...well I said here can you make dinner? He was off all day and I worked so I just wanted to chill for a few minutes and he bitched about it. I don't get it. Just be helpful, throw the shit in the pan, turn the burner on and stir it a few times.

When he works, I actually like it because he sleeps during the day. On my days off I have to just occupy Brandon, which is easy, and when I work, I take Brandon to school so Mike can sleep. I worked so hard to save all the money I could to help us get ahead while he was gone and he comes home and spends it like crazy. Hello!! Gas isn't cheap anymore!!!! And with him working over in Kentucky that's not a short drive so he has to fill up the car a few times and it's getting ridiculous but doesn't understand why I get pissed when he orders a pizza 2 times in less than 5 days and drives downtown to a place that isn't open instead of first calling to make sure it's open!!! It's the $20 here and $20 there that's going to catch up. It only takes 5 $20 here or there to make $100 and we have a $850 house payment each month. I tried discussing this with him and he's just like yea uh huh...I am so sick of talking about this. How old is he? I tried to tell him as nice as I could that he needs to think about somoene other than himself.

I can't help but question if he wants to be married. I try to let him know that if he's not happy he can leave. I am sick of bending over backwards to make sure he is ok but getting crap in return. That is probably the biggest reason I am not happy. I just feel so walked on.

Daddy's home!

2008-05-26T21:17:00.012-04:00

On May 22, 2008 at about 2:20pm, that's what I was telling Brandon. We had gone to Mike's reserve unit around 10:30am and we were there until daddy came home. Brandon and I walked around and blew bubbles and they had all kinds of stuff set up for the kids to play on so he played in the little air jumpy slide thing. He was scared to play at first but then started to feel better about it and was jumping and running around in it. Of course we had one of the coolest welcome home daddy posters (finger painted of course) so the news spotted us and interviewed us. http://www.wcpo.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=6a31aac7-f09f-46cf-ad43-9b88f89c6c57 you can click on the video on the side and watch the little clip. For some reason I am always getting interviewed.

This is the sign I made. I guess I didn't get a pic of Brandon's sign....

Well we also went on a little road trip this weekend. We drove to Fort Campbell. The ride down SUCKED!! Brandon cried nearly the whole way and we got bad news about half way down that Mike's grandpa had an aneurysm and had to have surgery. We decided since there was nothing we could do about it, we were just going to stay and do what we had planned to do. So we got Mike a new dress uniform and I visited with my friend Robin from high school. I hadn't seen her in at least 10 years. Her husband is deployed and she is doing it alone with 4 kids! I have the utmost respect for her cause I could barely handle one!!

Of course no trip to Ft Campbell, Ky could be complete without visiting the site of one of the happiest times of my life. We went down to the river walk in Clarksville, Tn where Mike and I got married nearly 5 years ago.

It's amazing how much a place changes over the years. Even the headquarters building on Fort Campbell was moved to a completely new location and looks cooler than ever!

Well it's been a few days since daddy returned and things are going pretty good. I noticed yesterday that Brandon acts up when both of us are around but when it's just one of us he's fine. I don't understand it at all.

hair cut adventures

2008-05-05T21:32:00.006-04:00

I have been waiting for a while to get my bub's hair cut. We were waiting on daddy to get home from Iraq. Well that time came last week. Mike was suppose to go to a school in New Jersey, but he got there early, and since there was 5 of them there early the people at the base said "we don't want you here" they rented a car and came home. It was a little surprise that lasted only about 3 days but it was nice. Anyways..

Last Monday April 28, I took Brandon to the Dr for his 15 month check up. His ears still weren't clear from his ear infection a couple of weeks ago so no shots. He weighs 29lbs 4 1/2 oz and is 33 3/4 inches tall. He barely let the Dr listen to his lungs or look in his ears. He was hysterical, screaming and pushing the Dr away. I swear at one point I heard him say "don't". They had a picture on the wall with a bus on it and he pointed to it and looked at the Dr and said "bus bus" and the Dr looked at me mouth open and said he is extremely advanced in speaking for his age. I said oh he's defiantly a talker. We have to watch what we say or do around him now. He likes to repeat. Stuff I thought they started doing a little older.

So Tuesday I was off too and since daddy was home, we decided to take bub's to his paw paw to get his hair cut....yea...the visit to the Dr was nothing compared to the hair cut!! Holy crap!!!!! He tried to jump out of the chair!!
This is when we first started. Paw paw has his own barbershop.

this was just a little later...he still has both ears but you would have thought someone cut one off the way he was crying!!

Needless to say Brandon didn't want anyone to even LOOK at him after it was all over except ma-ma. Every time Paw paw even looked at him he turned his head the other way. He didn't want dat-tee either. It was funny!

I felt the earth, move.......

2008-04-18T21:58:00.004-04:00

Yes thismorning around about 5:40am, I awoke to what felt like someone in my house shaking my bed although, I heard stuff on my dresser moving too. I was shaking for about 5 seconds then I stopped for about 2 seconds and started shaking for about 5 more seconds then stopped completely. I immediatly turned on the tv and grabbed Mike's gun out of the closet. My first thought was that someone broke into my house and since I live in a bi-level house, when you walk fast or run, it shakes the floor a little. so I searched the whole house and found everything quiet and in place. Then I put the gun away and went and checked on Brandon. He was sound asleep in the same position he was in when I checked on him before I went to bed.

At about 6:00am they announced on the news..."this is breaking now and it sounds strange but we have reports that we just went through an earthquake" I freaked out and started crying (mostly relieved that I wasn't nuts or going through convultions) and called my mom immediatly (as quickly as my little trembling hands could go)

I guess I scared mom cause she said "what's wrong?" right away. I said "mom we just went through an earthquake!" she said" your kiddin!" i said "No I swear it felt just like it did when I was a kid"

When I was about 10 or 11 we lived in Germany, and we went through an earthquake there too. I think that one was stronger and lasted longer than this one but I felt the exact same way through both. I was in bed for both and thought the same exact thoughts someone got in the house and started shaking my bed while I was sleeping!

They said that the center of the earthquake was along the indiana/illinois/kentucky border. I have heard people as far south as Nashville felt it. We are about 200 miles away from where they say the center was.

Brandon slept through the whole thing. When I tried to explain what happened I said "Brandon you slept right through an earthquake!" and I started shaking to show him what an earthquake does and he just laughed. He is easily amused!

My husband part 2

2008-04-18T21:43:00.003-04:00

So I talked to him after he wouldn't talk to me for like a day or so, and explained to him how selfish I thought all the things he wanted were. He told me "I didn't even think of those things that way" I then explained to him that I could get no joy out of a motor cycle or an ipod and hope that he wants to save his money for things for us to do together.

I bought my truck 2 weeks before we got married knowing that if we got a truck that it would have a backseat and be equipped for a carseat for any children that we have. I think about the future a lot. I also refuse to buy a car without 4 doors for the same reason. Our house, it's bigger than we need right now. What if we wanted to expand our family by a child or 2 more than we have? I wanted to have the room instead of saying "honey I'm pregnant, I guess we need to get a bigger house!"

I explained that I would like to do things as a family with him when he gets home and not worry about whether or not we had the money to do them. I will be paying off my truck here in a little while and I just want to put money away in case Mike doesn't get the best paying job when he gets done with Iraq and the army. And what if we have an unexpected setback...I just don't want to be asking anyone for the money!

I think he understands where I am coming from. I think we can actually go forward now. I am hoping and praying that now we can communicate about things easier and without getting angry at each other.

My husband

2008-04-15T13:53:00.002-04:00

My husband can be a very selfish person. I know that being in Iraq can make you forget that there is still a life going on back home especially when you left, you lived somewhere different than when you come home. We bought our house while Mike was in Iraq. Brandon was only 5 months old when Mike left for training last may. Things are much different for us here. Brandon is getting bigger and requires quite a bit more attention. He likes to do things that aren't so safe (typical).

So what does Mike call me about 4 in the morning Monday? "can I get an ipod?"

umm....ok first of all he's coming back to the us on april 30th so what the hell.

"I lost all the music off my laptop and wanted something to get it back on"

He had to send me his laptop to fix because it crashed or something. it was still under warranty so we got it fixed but in the meantime it has to start over fresh.

So as you can guess my answer was no. Well he was pissed and mean to me the rest of the conversation so I said "listen it's 4am and I will have to be up in a few hours with Brandon so if you are mad at me then I'll talk to you later."

Frankly I don't remember much more of the conversation because I was so tired. I was in one of those sleeps that you don't usually get. One of those really hard sleeps. I thought the phone was ringing in my dreams.

What I can't understand is when I try to explain to him my reasoning behind why I say no to the pointless, selfish things he wants, he gets pissed at me and thinks I am a bitch. The first pointless, selfish thing he wanted was a motorcycle....Can you picture that....I can't and won't. His reasoning for this was "It'll save money on gas" I just think they are dangerous and so did he until I guess he talked to somone that has one and decided that he wanted one.

He never wants anything that WE can use as a FAMILY. I rarely buy myself anything. Most of everything I buy I use for Brandon or work or something around the house. It upsets me that he wants things as if he's single.

Then I get to thinking..is there something wrong with me? I know I am not skinny anymore but I am by no means ready for gastric bypass either. I have changed since he's been gone but what do you expect? I have had to take over all the responsibilities...taking care of Brandon, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the cars, the dogs, the house....all of it..it's very hard and I am doing everything on my own. Don't get me wrong I love doing it all. I guess it gives me a sense of pride that I can do it.

We went to an FRG (family readiness group) meeting Sunday afternoon.
They talked about all the changes that the soldiers will have to go through when they get home but what about what me and Brandon have to go through?

I miss Michael terribly and want him home but for some reason a tiny piece of me thinks I am doing this good without him that he doesn't have to come home if he doesn't want to. I hope that I am not getting use to him being gone all the time. I love him so much and all I want is for us to be together again and to be a family. I don't want him to be so childish though. I want him to be a man. To be a good husband and a daddy. I want him to think of us first and make decisions to get things to make our house and our lives together better first before he thinks of just himself.

Recent events in Cincinnati

2008-04-12T00:13:00.008-04:00

Ok recently here in Colerain township where I live, there were 2 firefighters killed in the line of duty. There was an article posted on the wcpo website
http://www.wcpo.com (i can't figure out how to link it so you can just click on it)
(local news station) about how the firefighters died. This paragraph in particular stirred a couple of emotions inside me...

" During Wednesday's emotional funeral service, Glendale Fire Chief Mike Finney suggested that citizens stop by their local firehouse and tell the firefighters on duty how much their service is appreciated."

Now my initial reaction was ok now I feel bad for the firefighters that lost their lives, however there are tons of people doing lots of different jobs that make them heroes. That doesn't mean I am going go to their individual workplaces to thank them for doing their jobs.

My next reaction was that the whole thing is really being blown out of proportion. I mean like I said I feel bad for the firefighters that lost their lives, however I nor anyone else, forced them to do the job they are doing. They know doing the job they do that there is a TON of risk involved. That's the horrible reality of being a firefighter or a police office or being a soldier. As much as it sounds very mean in print or coming out of someones mouth, it's the ugly truth.

Now I am very proud of every single person that makes a difference by doing the life saving but risky jobs they do, and I am extremely touched by the story of the firefighters. I am very appreciative of anyone that has improved my life or that may save my life or my family's life in the future should that be necessary. But the truth of the matter is, we should be thanking not just the firefighters but the doctors, the police, the soldiers, EMS and rescue squads, and nurses just to start!

My husband is a solider, a hero, a father, a son, a brother, an uncle and a friend. He has been deployed 4 times. He is currently deployed to Iraq for the 3rd time since 2002. I don't expect everyone to leave their house when he returns from Iraq to thank him for his service. When he is in public with his uniform on people will come up to him and thank him for his service. That makes him and me feel very proud..in fact I get teary. IF and WHEN I see anyone that is a hero to me, I do and will always thank them for their service. I know that it's a hard job not only on the individual but on the family as well.

So right now I would like to take this space to thank EVERY SINGLE person that makes a difference in this world. If you save some one's life, house, dog, or make some one's day, if you make someone laugh or just smile, then thank you cause you are a hero in my eyes!

If you get offended by what I say then I am sorry. This is only my opinion. Feel free to share how you feel.

How is that Comfortable!?

2008-04-11T22:12:00.003-04:00

Ok so after Brandon fell asleep last night I went into his room and snapped a few pics. Well this is how I found him.

He can not sleep without his "bye" which is his blanket..when I put it into his bed with him he curls up with it. I think part of it has to touch his face. Last night although the blanket is not touching his face in the pics, he still fell asleep and I just don't know how he slept like that and was comfortable.

Where a kid can be a kid!

2008-04-01T21:52:00.013-04:00

Well we woke up about 730ish and started the day out about the same as any other day. Brandon wanted to eat his numa numa numa (banana) and his cereal bar and we watched some of The Upsidedown show.

This is where it starts to get a little out of the norm...

I let the dogs outside. When I went to let them back in, they were no where to be found. So I ran out the front door. Keep in mind that the dogs were outside for about 3 minutes 5 minutes tops. I looked over to the right side of my yard and my gate is wide open both dogs had gotten out! I found Blue really fast. He came right up to me. I had to get out the amunition for Angel (the treats) to get him to come to me. I found him playing with a dog behind our house. He pissed me off because he wouldn't come to me even though I told him I had a treat!

So right after that I smelt funky so I told Brandon that I was gonna take a shower. Well he loves the water coming out of the faucet and wanted to get in the tub so I said ok you take a shower with mommy. He whined the whole time until I turned the shower off and the water was coming out of the faucet again. He started playing with the water so I let the tub fill up and let him play for a little while and I got dressed.

After we were ready we were just about to head out the door but I wasn't sure where I wanted to go, when I decided to check the computer to see if daddy was online. He was so we talked for a little while and he talked me into taking Brandon to Chuck E. Cheese's.

It was a little after 11 so we went to Target first and I got him a bunch of stuff. 3 shirts, 5 little dinosaurs that roared (they were a buck each) and a little people school bus. He loves school buses. Every morning we watch the school buses go by our house. After that, we decided to go to Chuck E. Cheese's. We had a good time. We ordered a medium cheese pizza and $5 worth of tokens. He rode a few of the rides and went down the slide. Then I put him in the photo car.

After we ate I took Brandon over where they have the birthday parties and there was a party going on and the puppets were playing music. Brandon went up to the front of the stage and started dancing like crazy. It was so cute. After that we went over to the sketch booth and got 2 sketches made. The first he was very pissy in and the second he had calmed down a bit. He was tired!

So we had a great day. After we left Chuck E.'s we went back home and both of us took a nap. He slept from about 2 to 4:30ish and I slept from 3 to 430ish.

Just complaining!

2008-03-31T21:41:00.000-04:00

I have so much stuff I need to do but have absoutly no time to do any of it. My house is messy, my taxes aren't done yet, Mike's computer is still not fixed, I want to plant stuff in the front of my house and fix up my front yard and I am so exhausted. I've been sick for the past week with a sore throat and sinus infection and Brandon is still sick from some kind of cold. The weather sucks. If it's not snowing it's raining or it's too cold to do anything. Heck tomorrow is the first day of April and I still wear my winter coat when I leave the house! I miss my husband too! Some good things though...I truely have the best family in the world, the laundry is mostly all done and put away, Brandon goes to bed with no trouble, and I am off work for the next 2 days!!!

May I help you?

2008-03-26T20:20:00.000-04:00

I worked today at a store that I go to help out when they need help. I only thought I would be helping, not doing everything! I answered phones, scheduled appointments, helped people pick out glasses, called insurance companies, cleaned and adjusted glasses and did repairs all by myself with little to no help from the other girl that was there. So what if she's the dr's tech? I was calling some of the many orders that were piling up to be called, and a customer came in and instead of her going to help the lady she called me out of the back where I was calling customers, to help the lady!! That was really where I got pissed! I mean come on..even if you thought that I was helping the lady the nice thing to do would be to say "is someone helping you?" I can't stand lazy people. I answered the phone at least 10 times in the middle of me helping my customers with ordering there glasses which is rude if you ask me. I don't mind going to other stores to help out but, I don't want to do it all. On top of that, I am not feeling very good and losing my voice!

A little about me

2008-03-25T21:08:00.000-04:00

Hi! My name is Crystal. I am 27 years old. I was born at West Point, NY on May 10, 1980. I have two of the best parents in the world. I have 2 sisters, Tarylyn, 25, and Khaylee 9. I also have one brother Zackary 11. Tarylyn has 3 kids Saria 7, Samuel 4 and Benjamin 2. My parents are divorced and live in Alabama. Mom lives in Enterprise and dad lives in Ariton. Both are remarried and are very happy which makes me happy.

I am married and I have one child so far. His name is Brandon and he is one of two joys in my life. I thought that when i got married nearly 5 years ago that my husband was the person that completed my life and made me the absoute happiest, but after I had Brandon, my heart reopened and grew again.

I got married on Sept 20, 2003 in Clarksville, TN. Both sides of the family were there. It was soooo cool to have my family come from Alabama and his come from Ohio. We got married by the river. It was such a beautiful day.

My husband's name is Michael. We met through yahoo personals but started talking to each other on the phone before we met in person. I pretty much knew I wanted to be with him for a very long time by around at least the 3rd date. Our dates pretty much consisted of laundry at my house and watching a movie but that was fine by me. I enjoyed spending time with him. Michael was in the army at the time and had just gotten back from Afghanistan. He has been deployed pretty much most of our marriage. He went to Iraq the first time in Febuary of 2003- August 2003. We were married in September. In October we moved to Texas and in January of 2004 on his birthday, he was on his way back over to Iraq again. This time he was there for 13 months. (January 2004-February 2005) When he got home that time, he got out of the active duty part of the army and was in the reserves. He is now in Iraq with the reserve unit and has been there since August 2007, but before he went, he was in training for 2 months in Wisconsin. He should be home in June of this year.

This is sorta all over the place but I think it makes it more intersting.

Brandon was born January 21, 2007 at Good Samaritan Hospital in Cincinnati, OH. He is amazing. Every day he changes or does something new and never ceases to amaze me. He is 14 months old now and he's been walking since he was 9 1/2 months old and I think one of the first words he's ever said was duck. His daddy was home on leave when he started walking so at least he got to see that!

In September of 2007, we bought our very first house. It's so cool to have a place to call home. We live in Cincinnati and I love it here. I live right across the street from my father in law. He helps me so much with Brandon. His wife just passed away 2 weeks before we bought our house so I think I help him too by being so close by to have someone to talk to. I miss her so much though. She was sorta like my best friend. Someone that I could tell just about anything to. Of course my mom is my bestfriend too and so is Michael....ok I have a lot of best friends!

So that puts me at what do I do to make money? Well after graduating High school in Ozark, Alabama, I joined the army. I was in the army for 3 years and then I got out (early). While I was in the army I was trained to be an optician. So that's what I do. I work at Wal-Mart in the vision center and I fit and sell glasses. It doesn't sound so hard but you really have to know a lot to help people with issues they have sometimes.

So that's it. That's a little about me. Of course there are more people in my life but I will mention them in later posts.