My husband

My husband can be a very selfish person. I know that being in Iraq can make you forget that there is still a life going on back home especially when you left, you lived somewhere different than when you come home. We bought our house while Mike was in Iraq. Brandon was only 5 months old when Mike left for training last may. Things are much different for us here. Brandon is getting bigger and requires quite a bit more attention. He likes to do things that aren't so safe (typical).

So what does Mike call me about 4 in the morning Monday? "can I get an ipod?"

umm....ok first of all he's coming back to the us on april 30th so what the hell.

"I lost all the music off my laptop and wanted something to get it back on"

He had to send me his laptop to fix because it crashed or something. it was still under warranty so we got it fixed but in the meantime it has to start over fresh.

So as you can guess my answer was no. Well he was pissed and mean to me the rest of the conversation so I said "listen it's 4am and I will have to be up in a few hours with Brandon so if you are mad at me then I'll talk to you later."

Frankly I don't remember much more of the conversation because I was so tired. I was in one of those sleeps that you don't usually get. One of those really hard sleeps. I thought the phone was ringing in my dreams.

What I can't understand is when I try to explain to him my reasoning behind why I say no to the pointless, selfish things he wants, he gets pissed at me and thinks I am a bitch. The first pointless, selfish thing he wanted was a motorcycle....Can you picture that....I can't and won't. His reasoning for this was "It'll save money on gas" I just think they are dangerous and so did he until I guess he talked to somone that has one and decided that he wanted one.


He never wants anything that WE can use as a FAMILY. I rarely buy myself anything. Most of everything I buy I use for Brandon or work or something around the house. It upsets me that he wants things as if he's single.

Then I get to thinking..is there something wrong with me? I know I am not skinny anymore but I am by no means ready for gastric bypass either. I have changed since he's been gone but what do you expect? I have had to take over all the responsibilities...taking care of Brandon, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the cars, the dogs, the house....all of it..it's very hard and I am doing everything on my own. Don't get me wrong I love doing it all. I guess it gives me a sense of pride that I can do it.

We went to an FRG (family readiness group) meeting Sunday afternoon.
They talked about all the changes that the soldiers will have to go through when they get home but what about what me and Brandon have to go through?

I miss Michael terribly and want him home but for some reason a tiny piece of me thinks I am doing this good without him that he doesn't have to come home if he doesn't want to. I hope that I am not getting use to him being gone all the time. I love him so much and all I want is for us to be together again and to be a family. I don't want him to be so childish though. I want him to be a man. To be a good husband and a daddy. I want him to think of us first and make decisions to get things to make our house and our lives together better first before he thinks of just himself.