Today my lovely son woke up at 6:20am. Not cool although all he really did was crawl into bed with me and say "mommy I wanna lay wit you." as he was crawling into the bed. After a few minutes he wanted me to turn on the tv which he complained about because it was too bright and then went to flip on the light. (makes no sense but that's how it happened) He then said he wanted his Christmas on which in his language means plug in the Christmas tree, so I got out of bed and he turned on the tv and I went back in my room after giving him his usual breakfast.
I am not a news watcher because the news frankly, pisses me off. The stupidity pouring out from the tv during the amount of time that the news is on makes me feel like a genius. I am not a genius by any means but man do I feel smarter when the news is on.
Today on the news, not sure what news show it was, but they reported that some unimaginable number of mini blinds are being recalled due to strangulation risks in children. I was thinking to myself what date was this story aired? What makes this news today, December 15, 2009? This is not news!! People, mini blind strings have killed or strangled children for a long time. It is stupid to recall something due to the negligence of the parents or person in charge of supervising a child! I will NOT be returning my mini blinds because I am a RESPONSIBLE parent and I DO NOT put my child's bed near the freaking window. Are these people stupid? I just don't understand why manufacturers have to change the way they make things that work great the way they are because there are a select group of people that are stupid. There is no good reason for this recall. Parenting classes? Yes! Recalling these blinds is not the answer. The kids will end up hurting themselves on something else because of irresponsible parents. I have blinds with the loop strings (which is the strangulation hazard)that I have (and this concept may be hard to grasp but here it is)wrapped around the safety hardware that came with it and is up high enough for my child not to reach!!! Come on people. Use common sense. If you have a window with the mini blinds on it in your baby's room, MOVE THE BED ONTO ANOTHER WALL AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Twilight Cycles from Brandon Routh - Video
Twilight Cycles from Brandon Routh - Video
I came across this absolutely hilarious video the other day that was linked onto my facebook page. HILARIOUS I tell you!!!! If you are a Twilight fan, even if you aren't, this is worth a few minutes of your time!!!
I came across this absolutely hilarious video the other day that was linked onto my facebook page. HILARIOUS I tell you!!!! If you are a Twilight fan, even if you aren't, this is worth a few minutes of your time!!!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
hmm I seem to be extremely opinionated lately!
OK....soooooo this Dallas Cowboy cheerleader dressed up like L'il Wayne for Halloween. She donned makeup to make her look black and also put fake tattoos all over her face and well I added the link so you can click and see for yourself.
www.blackvoices.com/boards/entertainment/entertainmnt/entertainment/dallas-cowboy-cheerleader-in-blackface/277594/1 ok so it won't freaking link...I don't know what I am doing wrong but just copy and paste it so you can see for yourself.
OK so it was HALLOWEEN PEOPLE!!! The ONE day a year you can get dressed up as something you can't be any other day (unless you really wanna look stupid) and go out and have a good time. There are so many adults that don't dress up so why ruin it for the ones that want to? Do I think she made a bad judgement call on her costume of choice? Sure. But not enough to bring on racial comments or kick her off the cheer leading team. If that's the case then the Wayans brothers, that made the movie White Chicks, should never be able to make another movie again!!!! This racial shit can go 2 ways people. Just check out that stupid website that I tried to join to put my two cents in there but realized before I hit "register" that it would have been pointless. (never mind the fact that it is called "Black Voices") Most of those people are still in the mind frame of about 40-50 years ago. Although some of them appear to have some sense and don't see anything wrong with it. Whatever happened to "we shall over come"? Does that only go for white people? What about BET (Black Entertainment Television)? Has no one seen the racism there? There are so many other racial points I can bring up here but I don't have the time nor desire to bring them up, plus most of you already know them so no need.
I am by no means racist. I will treat everyone the same. There are ignorant people of every color. I look at everyone as a person. If you act ignorant then you have helped me create a stereotype for you regardless of your color, religion, how much money you have etc. I don't care.
Last on this costume situation, as I stated above, poor choice. Poorly done in my opinion, (if it wasn't captioned at the top of the page I'd have no idea who the hell she was trying to be) the only part that was done well was the makeup all over her body, which come on give her some credit, had to take freakin' forever! She just looks like a dead person....seriously.....
One more thing, look at the site, scroll down to near the bottom, you will see a picture of her at the party she went to posing with 2 black women. They appear to be authentic and they don't look like they are going to rip her head off for "impersonating a black man". They,as I did, probably thought it was funny and remembered it was HALLOWEEN!!!
I have to thank 96ROCK for posting this on their daily shlog which you can see here http://www.purerock96.com/gamblenfin/tabid/266/Default.aspx best morning show on the radio in Cincinnati!
www.blackvoices.com/boards/entertainment/entertainmnt/entertainment/dallas-cowboy-cheerleader-in-blackface/277594/1 ok so it won't freaking link...I don't know what I am doing wrong but just copy and paste it so you can see for yourself.
OK so it was HALLOWEEN PEOPLE!!! The ONE day a year you can get dressed up as something you can't be any other day (unless you really wanna look stupid) and go out and have a good time. There are so many adults that don't dress up so why ruin it for the ones that want to? Do I think she made a bad judgement call on her costume of choice? Sure. But not enough to bring on racial comments or kick her off the cheer leading team. If that's the case then the Wayans brothers, that made the movie White Chicks, should never be able to make another movie again!!!! This racial shit can go 2 ways people. Just check out that stupid website that I tried to join to put my two cents in there but realized before I hit "register" that it would have been pointless. (never mind the fact that it is called "Black Voices") Most of those people are still in the mind frame of about 40-50 years ago. Although some of them appear to have some sense and don't see anything wrong with it. Whatever happened to "we shall over come"? Does that only go for white people? What about BET (Black Entertainment Television)? Has no one seen the racism there? There are so many other racial points I can bring up here but I don't have the time nor desire to bring them up, plus most of you already know them so no need.
I am by no means racist. I will treat everyone the same. There are ignorant people of every color. I look at everyone as a person. If you act ignorant then you have helped me create a stereotype for you regardless of your color, religion, how much money you have etc. I don't care.
Last on this costume situation, as I stated above, poor choice. Poorly done in my opinion, (if it wasn't captioned at the top of the page I'd have no idea who the hell she was trying to be) the only part that was done well was the makeup all over her body, which come on give her some credit, had to take freakin' forever! She just looks like a dead person....seriously.....
One more thing, look at the site, scroll down to near the bottom, you will see a picture of her at the party she went to posing with 2 black women. They appear to be authentic and they don't look like they are going to rip her head off for "impersonating a black man". They,as I did, probably thought it was funny and remembered it was HALLOWEEN!!!
I have to thank 96ROCK for posting this on their daily shlog which you can see here http://www.purerock96.com/gamblenfin/tabid/266/Default.aspx best morning show on the radio in Cincinnati!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
to Major Hasan (dickface coward from the Fort Hood shootings)
Asshole,
The attack on Fort Hood, did not directly involve me or indirectly for that matter, however I have a lot of disgust for YOU, the coward that did this. There is no excuse, whether it be moral, religious or otherwise, to load up two hand guns and go to an army post and just start shooting random soldiers! NONE! Hello!!! Why not just kill yourself?? No you had to be a selfish low life bastard and kill innocent people. A mother to be, defenders of my freedom!!! I don't give a shit about what religion you practiced you were in the UNITED STATES ARMY for 19 years. A Major at that. A doctor major. A psychiatrist doctor. Paid to listen to soldiers talk about their issues with what they did in combat. Soldiers that had freaking stress in their lives, but didn't go on an army post and shoot up random AMERICANS! Some soldiers that got deployed numerous times compared to your ZERO times. My problem with you is that as previously stated, you're a DOCTOR, when you get deployed, chances of you seeing actual combat, going out on the front lines with the real soldiers, were slim to NONE! Everyone lower ranking than you, trained every day for combat, would be the ones seeing the action. You wouldn't have had to actually kill "fellow" Muslims.
You supposedly loved this country and loved being in the army. September 11, 2001 happened over 8 years ago. OK so did you just suddenly convert to Muslim? Or have you been actively trying to get out of the army for the past 8 years and no one gave a shit? I mean surly you had to know that since September 11,2001, we were gonna go after the gutless swine that attacked our country that day. But no, you continued to take patients and listen to them confess about the bloodshed and the disgusting things they had to do to people of your religion. This here to me is a classic case of snapped. You friggin lost your marbles and decided to suddenly take some Arabic classes, which you spoke poorly and practice whatever it is that Muslims practice. By all means not every single person that is Muslim is a freak, there are quite a few though.
When you enlist, willingly, into the United States Military, you swear to an oath, that you will do what your country requires of you. Refusing to do so, is treason, why the hell be in the Army if you can't be a soldier first? You may have to kill fellow Christians, Muslims, whatever religion you are, you may have to kill people of your own religion. You really don't have to though, you could just let them kill you. I don't give a shit. It's kill or be killed when you are in war.
You were a trusted military officer. It is because of you, that I think most soldiers are now going to have to watch their back and Muslim soldiers no matter what, are going to have to go through a lot more hell to be a soldier. So my advice to the army would be, if a Muslim extremist decides that he wants out, best thing to do is let him out of the army. It does no good to keep a moron in, that would do harm to his fellow comrades.
Your punishment should consist of mostly torture. I say shoot you a few times, wounding you, allowing the wounds to get infected then do surgery, wait for you to recover fully from surgery and do it again. 14 times. Once for every person killed by you and once for me.
Sincerely....
The attack on Fort Hood, did not directly involve me or indirectly for that matter, however I have a lot of disgust for YOU, the coward that did this. There is no excuse, whether it be moral, religious or otherwise, to load up two hand guns and go to an army post and just start shooting random soldiers! NONE! Hello!!! Why not just kill yourself?? No you had to be a selfish low life bastard and kill innocent people. A mother to be, defenders of my freedom!!! I don't give a shit about what religion you practiced you were in the UNITED STATES ARMY for 19 years. A Major at that. A doctor major. A psychiatrist doctor. Paid to listen to soldiers talk about their issues with what they did in combat. Soldiers that had freaking stress in their lives, but didn't go on an army post and shoot up random AMERICANS! Some soldiers that got deployed numerous times compared to your ZERO times. My problem with you is that as previously stated, you're a DOCTOR, when you get deployed, chances of you seeing actual combat, going out on the front lines with the real soldiers, were slim to NONE! Everyone lower ranking than you, trained every day for combat, would be the ones seeing the action. You wouldn't have had to actually kill "fellow" Muslims.
You supposedly loved this country and loved being in the army. September 11, 2001 happened over 8 years ago. OK so did you just suddenly convert to Muslim? Or have you been actively trying to get out of the army for the past 8 years and no one gave a shit? I mean surly you had to know that since September 11,2001, we were gonna go after the gutless swine that attacked our country that day. But no, you continued to take patients and listen to them confess about the bloodshed and the disgusting things they had to do to people of your religion. This here to me is a classic case of snapped. You friggin lost your marbles and decided to suddenly take some Arabic classes, which you spoke poorly and practice whatever it is that Muslims practice. By all means not every single person that is Muslim is a freak, there are quite a few though.
When you enlist, willingly, into the United States Military, you swear to an oath, that you will do what your country requires of you. Refusing to do so, is treason, why the hell be in the Army if you can't be a soldier first? You may have to kill fellow Christians, Muslims, whatever religion you are, you may have to kill people of your own religion. You really don't have to though, you could just let them kill you. I don't give a shit. It's kill or be killed when you are in war.
You were a trusted military officer. It is because of you, that I think most soldiers are now going to have to watch their back and Muslim soldiers no matter what, are going to have to go through a lot more hell to be a soldier. So my advice to the army would be, if a Muslim extremist decides that he wants out, best thing to do is let him out of the army. It does no good to keep a moron in, that would do harm to his fellow comrades.
Your punishment should consist of mostly torture. I say shoot you a few times, wounding you, allowing the wounds to get infected then do surgery, wait for you to recover fully from surgery and do it again. 14 times. Once for every person killed by you and once for me.
Sincerely....
Friday, July 10, 2009
my essay for Defining Twilight
Defining Twilight is an essay contest you have to use 8 words
omnipresent
inconsequential
sauntered
noble
permanence
exiled
detested
erratic
This is my essay.
You don't have to write it about Twilight, but you can. I chose not to. I need to edit it a little more and correct grammar and punctuation cause that's judged too. essay can't be longer than 1000 words and you have to use correct grammar and spelling as well as punctuation.
They work every day. Nine to five is out of the question. Weekends blend into the work week like any other day. they are constantly on alert, day and night, ready to attack any enemy that might have accidentally sauntered into their territory. There is no permanence in the place they rest their feet. The are always on the move, trudging through the thick, omnipresent sand. It's in the air, which consequentially ends up in their lungs, in their boots and plastered to their skin. Sometimes, they even eat it. They do patrols in 105 degree heat, completely covered in body armor. Patrols are not enjoyable during the day, however, utterly detested at night. Imagine; pitch black skies, (except the occasional moonlight), wild animals, poisonous insects and no telling what else.
We always complain when the electricity goes out, when the mail runs late or when we run out of hot water in the middle of a relaxing hot shower, inconsequential to them. The can't even remember the last time they had a shower let alone the temperature of the water and have you tried reading a three week old letter under the moonlight or, if you're lucky and you have batteries, a flashlight?
After being exiled for a year or more, they receive news that it's time to prepare to go home. Preparing consists of several classes to re-civilize themselves to the happenings that are still going on in every day life. The are reminded that there is green grass and running water. They might have a new baby or a new car. Whatever the reason, they pray that they can return to some sort of normalcy. They are thankful they are deemed noble as opposed to the "baby killer" of the Vietnam War. They hope that the erratic gun fire heard at any give time of the day or night doesn't make them jump at the sound of a balloon popping suddenly or make it difficult to enjoy a firework celebration.
As you sit back and enjoy the material things you have in life, realize that if it wasn't for the soldiers fighting for your freedom, none if it would be possible. The United States soldier doesn't do it for themselves. The do it for their country. They do it for our freedom.
omnipresent
inconsequential
sauntered
noble
permanence
exiled
detested
erratic
This is my essay.
You don't have to write it about Twilight, but you can. I chose not to. I need to edit it a little more and correct grammar and punctuation cause that's judged too. essay can't be longer than 1000 words and you have to use correct grammar and spelling as well as punctuation.
They work every day. Nine to five is out of the question. Weekends blend into the work week like any other day. they are constantly on alert, day and night, ready to attack any enemy that might have accidentally sauntered into their territory. There is no permanence in the place they rest their feet. The are always on the move, trudging through the thick, omnipresent sand. It's in the air, which consequentially ends up in their lungs, in their boots and plastered to their skin. Sometimes, they even eat it. They do patrols in 105 degree heat, completely covered in body armor. Patrols are not enjoyable during the day, however, utterly detested at night. Imagine; pitch black skies, (except the occasional moonlight), wild animals, poisonous insects and no telling what else.
We always complain when the electricity goes out, when the mail runs late or when we run out of hot water in the middle of a relaxing hot shower, inconsequential to them. The can't even remember the last time they had a shower let alone the temperature of the water and have you tried reading a three week old letter under the moonlight or, if you're lucky and you have batteries, a flashlight?
After being exiled for a year or more, they receive news that it's time to prepare to go home. Preparing consists of several classes to re-civilize themselves to the happenings that are still going on in every day life. The are reminded that there is green grass and running water. They might have a new baby or a new car. Whatever the reason, they pray that they can return to some sort of normalcy. They are thankful they are deemed noble as opposed to the "baby killer" of the Vietnam War. They hope that the erratic gun fire heard at any give time of the day or night doesn't make them jump at the sound of a balloon popping suddenly or make it difficult to enjoy a firework celebration.
As you sit back and enjoy the material things you have in life, realize that if it wasn't for the soldiers fighting for your freedom, none if it would be possible. The United States soldier doesn't do it for themselves. The do it for their country. They do it for our freedom.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
BITE ME! OK?
Last night, as it is every single night, my phone was in my purse. My purse was in my bedroom and I was, guess where? I was on the computer (insert "go figure" in my husbands voice here). I think it was my dad that sent me an email of this really tall bridge, claiming to be the tallest in the world and I was so intrigued by it that I wanted to Google Earth it. So I did. The email gave little description to exact locale of said bridge, so I had to do a bit of Internet research to get the name of a town close by to narrow my search. But instead of doing my research on this bridge before I pulled up Google Earth, I searched nearly the whole E11 highway from Paris to Barcelona where it claimed to be, somewhere, getting sleepier by the minute. Then the name of the town, which slips memory right now, pops up on probably the 3rd page I decided to look at and I find that on Google Earth and narrow my search more. By the time I find it, which on Google Earth is a very impressive gray splotch hovering much closer to the satellite camera that took it's picture, making the other roads look like pieces of hair, I am really tired and pretty much lost interest too. I honestly don't remember doing much looking at it before I closed the stupid application down and shut my computer down. But this is where it gets good..
Mike signs onto msn messenger on his phone and sends me a pretty ugly message.
"It's pretty sad when this is the only way I can get ahold of you."
But before he even types that message, once I see him sign in, I get my phone that has 2 missed calls, out of my purse, and start calling him back. He doesn't answer after 2 tries so I stop trying. Then I get that message on msn messenger and then as soon as he sends it, he signs out so I can't reply.
I am tired anyway and I just want to go and do what I had planned, lay in bed and read my book. By the way in case anyone decides to read this, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult, is defiantly recommended if you are looking for something good to read.
And because Mike signed off the messenger before I could respond, I decide to be nice and text him, "I tried to call you back I'm sorry my phone was in my room in my purse I was google earthing this really tall bridge in France love you good night."
To which his response was, "Yea that's the same damn excuse I get every stupid night and if i did that you be getting on me about that BS."
Calmly I just type again, "good night"
And who knows his mood but here's what he types back, " OK whatever I see you don't give a shit like usual."
I text, "If that's the way you feel. I'm tired and this is pointless. Goodnight."
Nothing more was said.
So tonight when he left for work, he reached in to kiss me good-bye and my lips turned slightly so it wasn't a full on lip to lip kiss....I didn't realize what I had done, Brandon was just crying so hard that he made himself puke and I haven't really felt like myself emotionally lately but whatever. I pissed him off. Great. He storms out the door "WHATEVER" like a teenage girl, gets in his car and as I slip on one of my flip flops to go outside to try to make it all better, peels out of the driveway and heads to work. So I kicked my flip flop off and sit back down on the couch. I didn't realize that I could piss him off so much by not meaning to half way kiss him. Maybe most of it is the fact that I am drained of the ability to care anymore. I can't keep caring about hurting some one's feelings when I feel they couldn't give two shits if they hurt mine. I am sick of trying to please everyone. What about me? What about what I want? Has he ever once asked me if I am happy? NO! He just thinks because he can make me laugh on occasion that I am happy. I am not happy. I feel like a robot. Robots can't feel anything and that's how I am right now. I don't cry. I don't care. I don't fight for stuff or say I'm sorry anymore. I am not sorry. If I'm pissing you off, GOOD! Get pissed off. I'm not arguing with him anymore and if that seems like I could care less than maybe it's true.
Can you get postpartum depression for the first time when your only child is 2 1/2? If so, then I have it. If not then I am a freak and have it anyways. If there is one thing that I care about left in this world, it's defiantly him. I really have stopped caring about most everything except my son. He's not making me depressed. I think it's this constant fucking pattern I do every damn day. Get up, get dressed, take Brandon to school, go to work, come home, sometimes make dinner, and put Brandon to bed. It's really irritating. Sorry about the curse words, they make the post seem more "spicy" I just used my "sentence enhancers" LOL.
Mike signs onto msn messenger on his phone and sends me a pretty ugly message.
"It's pretty sad when this is the only way I can get ahold of you."
But before he even types that message, once I see him sign in, I get my phone that has 2 missed calls, out of my purse, and start calling him back. He doesn't answer after 2 tries so I stop trying. Then I get that message on msn messenger and then as soon as he sends it, he signs out so I can't reply.
I am tired anyway and I just want to go and do what I had planned, lay in bed and read my book. By the way in case anyone decides to read this, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult, is defiantly recommended if you are looking for something good to read.
And because Mike signed off the messenger before I could respond, I decide to be nice and text him, "I tried to call you back I'm sorry my phone was in my room in my purse I was google earthing this really tall bridge in France love you good night."
To which his response was, "Yea that's the same damn excuse I get every stupid night and if i did that you be getting on me about that BS."
Calmly I just type again, "good night"
And who knows his mood but here's what he types back, " OK whatever I see you don't give a shit like usual."
I text, "If that's the way you feel. I'm tired and this is pointless. Goodnight."
Nothing more was said.
So tonight when he left for work, he reached in to kiss me good-bye and my lips turned slightly so it wasn't a full on lip to lip kiss....I didn't realize what I had done, Brandon was just crying so hard that he made himself puke and I haven't really felt like myself emotionally lately but whatever. I pissed him off. Great. He storms out the door "WHATEVER" like a teenage girl, gets in his car and as I slip on one of my flip flops to go outside to try to make it all better, peels out of the driveway and heads to work. So I kicked my flip flop off and sit back down on the couch. I didn't realize that I could piss him off so much by not meaning to half way kiss him. Maybe most of it is the fact that I am drained of the ability to care anymore. I can't keep caring about hurting some one's feelings when I feel they couldn't give two shits if they hurt mine. I am sick of trying to please everyone. What about me? What about what I want? Has he ever once asked me if I am happy? NO! He just thinks because he can make me laugh on occasion that I am happy. I am not happy. I feel like a robot. Robots can't feel anything and that's how I am right now. I don't cry. I don't care. I don't fight for stuff or say I'm sorry anymore. I am not sorry. If I'm pissing you off, GOOD! Get pissed off. I'm not arguing with him anymore and if that seems like I could care less than maybe it's true.
Can you get postpartum depression for the first time when your only child is 2 1/2? If so, then I have it. If not then I am a freak and have it anyways. If there is one thing that I care about left in this world, it's defiantly him. I really have stopped caring about most everything except my son. He's not making me depressed. I think it's this constant fucking pattern I do every damn day. Get up, get dressed, take Brandon to school, go to work, come home, sometimes make dinner, and put Brandon to bed. It's really irritating. Sorry about the curse words, they make the post seem more "spicy" I just used my "sentence enhancers" LOL.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
why bother?
I think that's really how I feel lately. Why bother with anything? Me and momma had a conversation yesterday, I think that's when it was, we talk every day, anyways we talked about living life to the fullest and being truely happy. I don't know what truely happy is because I am not experiencing that. I can only tell you that I am here and I am trying really hard to make this work. I try so hard to please Brandon and Mike that I forget to think about myself. I feel very sad lately. I had a huge converstaion with Mike a few weeks ago and I give up now. I poured my heart out and got little reaction. Sure he cried, but really, you have nothing to say? I am still upset about that but what am I gonna do? I am absoutly not happy with my job, I hate who I work with and feel like an outsider there. I want my reality to stop or to take a right turn down fantasy lane. I feel like I am rambling and on the verge of tears right now. I don't even know why I am posting, which I guess is the main reason for my title. Why should I even bother to write when no one reads what I write anyways? OK, now the verge that I mentioned earlier has been breeched.
The saddest part of how I feel is that I have absoutly no sexual desire with my husband. None. I don't want it with anyone for that matter. I am really tired though so maybe that's playing a part in how I feel. I think I am going to go to bed or at least lay there and read till I fall asleep. Feeling this way sucks. I read most of my posts and it doesn't seem like I post much on happy things in my life this whole thing is really depressing. I need friends. I want to hang out with people and have a good time. I never do anything.
The saddest part of how I feel is that I have absoutly no sexual desire with my husband. None. I don't want it with anyone for that matter. I am really tired though so maybe that's playing a part in how I feel. I think I am going to go to bed or at least lay there and read till I fall asleep. Feeling this way sucks. I read most of my posts and it doesn't seem like I post much on happy things in my life this whole thing is really depressing. I need friends. I want to hang out with people and have a good time. I never do anything.
Friday, April 10, 2009
last night...early thismorning
Last night my power went out and my father in law told me tonight that it went out for a few hours. I only know it went out because my phone beeps when you plug it into the wall and I heard it beep and then I heard it beep what seemed like 15 minutes later to let me know that power was going back to it again. At about 4:30am, I heard what sounded like a key going into my front door. I quickly texted Mike and asked him if he was home already. He instantly called me and said, "uh no babe I am at work." I said it sounded like someone just tried to put a key in the front door. Mike told me, "my gun is under my side of the bed by the wall." So I grabbed the gun, I am shaking like a leaf, there's no way I can flipping operate this thing. So I go through the house turning on every light along the way. I'm still talking to Mike. I look like I know what I am doing with this gun, but in my head I am saying," please don't let there be anyone in this house and if there is please let the sight of the gun scare them cause I would probably only beat them with it if there is someone in this house." Now the whole time I am searching, I am creaking all through the house. My floor creeks. There is no way you can sneak in when we are sleeping. I can leave the door open and first of all my dogs would bark second of all the steps are hollow so they echo when you step. and third if you do manage to get up the stairs without me hearing you, unless you know where to step in here and only me and Mike know where to avoid the creakiest creeks, I am going to hear you.
Now of course I wasn't thinking any of these things when I was searching the house. So I decide to check downstairs. Not only is it dark down there but there was towels that Mike threw down there at the bottom of the steps so anyone trying to sneak in would probably slip on them and bust their ass. So I didn't check every room downstairs. The dogs never did bark so I should have called off the search before I got started but I was scared. So I went back to bed. I turned on the tv and listened to George Lopez on Nickelodeon. I love that show. Pretty soon it was time to wake up and start the day.
Turns out, since the dogs sleep in a cage and the bottom of the cage is plastic, I have come to the conclusion that, it was one of the dogs that scraped their nails on the plastic and it made a sound like a key going into the lock. It's not all that crazy of an idea. Their room is right by the front door just downstairs. I hate being alone at night!
On another note:
Brandon is doing really good with potty training. He even got something really sweet wrote on his paper yesterday. It said "Brandon is doing really well on the potty!" I was soo happy. I tried to get him to go on the potty last night but he wasn't game. He didn't want to wear a "baby diaper" either though. So I let him go without for a little while. He was looking out the window for "paw paw" and peed on the wall. I got mad at him and told him to go sit on the potty. He told me yesterday while I was changing his morning diaper, "no touch my wiener" Where the hell did that come from? I was cleaning him up cause he had peed through his diaper. He's silly.
So tonight he had stamps again, (reward for going potty in school) on both hands. So I got excited and told him how proud I was of him. As I was changing him into his jamies, I asked him if he wanted to go pee pee on the potty. He said yes. Went in there and peed. I stared getting excited and singing and dancing. He liked that and started laughing and wanted me to sing and dance more. I said I can only do it when you go pee pee on the potty chair. Sooooo maybe this will be motivation!!! Momma making an ass of herself. Ah well, if it works I'll try it!!
Now of course I wasn't thinking any of these things when I was searching the house. So I decide to check downstairs. Not only is it dark down there but there was towels that Mike threw down there at the bottom of the steps so anyone trying to sneak in would probably slip on them and bust their ass. So I didn't check every room downstairs. The dogs never did bark so I should have called off the search before I got started but I was scared. So I went back to bed. I turned on the tv and listened to George Lopez on Nickelodeon. I love that show. Pretty soon it was time to wake up and start the day.
Turns out, since the dogs sleep in a cage and the bottom of the cage is plastic, I have come to the conclusion that, it was one of the dogs that scraped their nails on the plastic and it made a sound like a key going into the lock. It's not all that crazy of an idea. Their room is right by the front door just downstairs. I hate being alone at night!
On another note:
Brandon is doing really good with potty training. He even got something really sweet wrote on his paper yesterday. It said "Brandon is doing really well on the potty!" I was soo happy. I tried to get him to go on the potty last night but he wasn't game. He didn't want to wear a "baby diaper" either though. So I let him go without for a little while. He was looking out the window for "paw paw" and peed on the wall. I got mad at him and told him to go sit on the potty. He told me yesterday while I was changing his morning diaper, "no touch my wiener" Where the hell did that come from? I was cleaning him up cause he had peed through his diaper. He's silly.
So tonight he had stamps again, (reward for going potty in school) on both hands. So I got excited and told him how proud I was of him. As I was changing him into his jamies, I asked him if he wanted to go pee pee on the potty. He said yes. Went in there and peed. I stared getting excited and singing and dancing. He liked that and started laughing and wanted me to sing and dance more. I said I can only do it when you go pee pee on the potty chair. Sooooo maybe this will be motivation!!! Momma making an ass of herself. Ah well, if it works I'll try it!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Brandon is..
...afraid of the dark. All of a sudden. Sunday, you know the "pee on the remote day" my mom was on the computer most of the day as I was and that night when I went to make dinner, momma was entertaining Brandon with msn messenger. We do these little "winks" on there and one was this green kid that jumps out of no where and screams and scares ya. It really scared Brandon soo much. He didn't even want to look at the computer anymore. Kept saying to me "No kid" (it looks like a kid I guess)
Fast Forward to Monday night:
So it's bed time and after our story, I did the 1,2, 3 thing and put his blanket on him as I do every night and shut off his light and shut his door. I go out to the living room and Mike is watching wrestling and has the surround sound on so I couldn't tell that Brandon was crying. By the time I heard him he was screaming and crying. I went in his room and asked him what was wrong. He kept saying "no kid no kid" I said no sweety there's no kid. He was still crying. He hadn't fallen asleep yet so it wasn't a bad dream. He was thinking about that wink from Sunday night! So I tried to calm him by rubbing his back and singing twinkle twinkle little star. I tried to leave again, shut the door and immediately he started crying again. I went in there and he was talking about a monster. I grabbed his bat, and hit it under the bed and said "ohhh there is goes running out the door" I told him not to worry about monsters cause they can't jump or climb (he's still in a crib) That still didn't soothe him so I put his monster trucks in the bed with him. He loves monster trucks. I turned the light off and left and he told me "no shut the door" I said ok. So I waited for him to fall asleep then I shut the door.
Ok so now it's Tuesday night and after going all day without hearing him talk about "the kid" or any monsters, bed time comes and I read him a story..the same story by the way going for 3 nights in a row now! I do the 1, 2, 3 with the blanket and pull it over him and then he goes "no kid" his eyes get as big as bowling balls when he says this too so it's actually quite cute! I told him there's no kid sweety now go night night. He tells me "no shut the door" so I left it open again.
Today at school, he was bit under his right arm (pretty hard it left a good sized deep red mark) and hit a kid over the head with a school bus that he pushes around the floor. I can't yell at him for doing it cause I don't know what time of the day it happened. Mike had a talk with him about it and usually when something happens, I can ask Brandon and he will tell me what happened. Like the last time when he was bit, it wasn't wrote down on his paper and I asked Brandon who bit him and he said "Jake bite me" and told me that Jake went to time out and so did Brandon (himself). I asked the teacher the next day and she said yes they all 3 went to time out Jake, Brandon and Braylen (his best friend) cause they were hitting each other over the head with dinosaurs. So Brandon can tell me what happens!!
At work today, we started this new stupid computer ordering system for our contacts so it now takes me a lot longer to put a contact order in and it's quite irritating. I mean the system wasn't broken why "fix" it!
Fast Forward to Monday night:
So it's bed time and after our story, I did the 1,2, 3 thing and put his blanket on him as I do every night and shut off his light and shut his door. I go out to the living room and Mike is watching wrestling and has the surround sound on so I couldn't tell that Brandon was crying. By the time I heard him he was screaming and crying. I went in his room and asked him what was wrong. He kept saying "no kid no kid" I said no sweety there's no kid. He was still crying. He hadn't fallen asleep yet so it wasn't a bad dream. He was thinking about that wink from Sunday night! So I tried to calm him by rubbing his back and singing twinkle twinkle little star. I tried to leave again, shut the door and immediately he started crying again. I went in there and he was talking about a monster. I grabbed his bat, and hit it under the bed and said "ohhh there is goes running out the door" I told him not to worry about monsters cause they can't jump or climb (he's still in a crib) That still didn't soothe him so I put his monster trucks in the bed with him. He loves monster trucks. I turned the light off and left and he told me "no shut the door" I said ok. So I waited for him to fall asleep then I shut the door.
Ok so now it's Tuesday night and after going all day without hearing him talk about "the kid" or any monsters, bed time comes and I read him a story..the same story by the way going for 3 nights in a row now! I do the 1, 2, 3 with the blanket and pull it over him and then he goes "no kid" his eyes get as big as bowling balls when he says this too so it's actually quite cute! I told him there's no kid sweety now go night night. He tells me "no shut the door" so I left it open again.
Today at school, he was bit under his right arm (pretty hard it left a good sized deep red mark) and hit a kid over the head with a school bus that he pushes around the floor. I can't yell at him for doing it cause I don't know what time of the day it happened. Mike had a talk with him about it and usually when something happens, I can ask Brandon and he will tell me what happened. Like the last time when he was bit, it wasn't wrote down on his paper and I asked Brandon who bit him and he said "Jake bite me" and told me that Jake went to time out and so did Brandon (himself). I asked the teacher the next day and she said yes they all 3 went to time out Jake, Brandon and Braylen (his best friend) cause they were hitting each other over the head with dinosaurs. So Brandon can tell me what happens!!
At work today, we started this new stupid computer ordering system for our contacts so it now takes me a lot longer to put a contact order in and it's quite irritating. I mean the system wasn't broken why "fix" it!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
update:
The remote works!!! I am thrilled that I don't have to explain to Time Warner Cable what happened to it!!
Potty training is going pretty good too. He can go a pretty long time without peeing in his pull up. We are still working on it though.
Potty training is going pretty good too. He can go a pretty long time without peeing in his pull up. We are still working on it though.
Potty Training and a Remote control
Weird title huh? Well here's the explination.
So today is pretty much day one on the trying to potty train Brandon adventure. We first tried the pullups. It lasted a little while. He pulled them down went pee in the potty and then was sitting on my lap while talking to Nonna and he peed. First I could smell it then because of the design on the front of the pullups, I could tell he peed. I asked him if he peed in his pullup and he said "Yes!!" I said "NOOOO PEE IN THE POTTY CHAIR ONLY!" So I got this wild idea...let him go bare butt! It actually worked for a while. He sat on the potty and peed a few times and then went to play in his room. Was in there 2 minutes and then came to me and said "Mommy I peed!" I said "Where?" "In my room" I went in there and sure enough there was a puddle of pee under his train table. I spanked his butt and told him that he needed to pee in the potty!! I put him on the potty and then said well that was the first accident and he had been without a diaper or anything for about an hour or so. I thought that he didn't understand the whole potty training concept but when he came running to me telling me that he peed in his room I knew that he understood what we were trying to do.
So at this point of the day, he's in the living room. I go out there within about 5 minutes of him being in there to see if he needs to go use the potty...NOPE...He had already peed a pretty good sized puddle on the floor. I had just literally sat him on the potty about 5 minutes before hand. So I asked him if he peed on the floor and he said "yes" I said "NNNOOOO" and this time spanked him pretty hard and told him to go sit on the potty. I then sprayed carpet cleaner on the floor right there and proceded to make lunch. Hot dogs and baked beans. So then comes 1pm and it's time for Brandon to go down for nap and Mike to wake up for the day. He has a wedding that he's a part of, in May so he went to be fitted for his tux. He gets up goes to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom and I can't wait for him to get out of there, so I go use the bathroom downstairs. I hear him call down to me, "When you get up here, get the remote by the sink" I said "Why is it by the sink?" he said "OH you'll see" I said ok. I came upstairs and Mike was laughing. I said "what's wrong with the remote?" apparently when Mike went to pick it up to move it, it "dripped" on him! Brandon peed on the remote!! And not just any remote, he chose to pee on the flippin Time Warner Cable remote!!!!! So if this remote doesn't dry out, how the heck do I explain to the Time Warner people that I need a new remote??? Can you imagine the phone call.
possible phone call senario:
me: "yes I need a new remote. Mine doesn't work anymore"
Timewarner: "is there any physical damage?"
me: "uhhh yea, pee"
hahaha!!
So today is pretty much day one on the trying to potty train Brandon adventure. We first tried the pullups. It lasted a little while. He pulled them down went pee in the potty and then was sitting on my lap while talking to Nonna and he peed. First I could smell it then because of the design on the front of the pullups, I could tell he peed. I asked him if he peed in his pullup and he said "Yes!!" I said "NOOOO PEE IN THE POTTY CHAIR ONLY!" So I got this wild idea...let him go bare butt! It actually worked for a while. He sat on the potty and peed a few times and then went to play in his room. Was in there 2 minutes and then came to me and said "Mommy I peed!" I said "Where?" "In my room" I went in there and sure enough there was a puddle of pee under his train table. I spanked his butt and told him that he needed to pee in the potty!! I put him on the potty and then said well that was the first accident and he had been without a diaper or anything for about an hour or so. I thought that he didn't understand the whole potty training concept but when he came running to me telling me that he peed in his room I knew that he understood what we were trying to do.
So at this point of the day, he's in the living room. I go out there within about 5 minutes of him being in there to see if he needs to go use the potty...NOPE...He had already peed a pretty good sized puddle on the floor. I had just literally sat him on the potty about 5 minutes before hand. So I asked him if he peed on the floor and he said "yes" I said "NNNOOOO" and this time spanked him pretty hard and told him to go sit on the potty. I then sprayed carpet cleaner on the floor right there and proceded to make lunch. Hot dogs and baked beans. So then comes 1pm and it's time for Brandon to go down for nap and Mike to wake up for the day. He has a wedding that he's a part of, in May so he went to be fitted for his tux. He gets up goes to the bathroom. I gotta go to the bathroom and I can't wait for him to get out of there, so I go use the bathroom downstairs. I hear him call down to me, "When you get up here, get the remote by the sink" I said "Why is it by the sink?" he said "OH you'll see" I said ok. I came upstairs and Mike was laughing. I said "what's wrong with the remote?" apparently when Mike went to pick it up to move it, it "dripped" on him! Brandon peed on the remote!! And not just any remote, he chose to pee on the flippin Time Warner Cable remote!!!!! So if this remote doesn't dry out, how the heck do I explain to the Time Warner people that I need a new remote??? Can you imagine the phone call.
possible phone call senario:
me: "yes I need a new remote. Mine doesn't work anymore"
Timewarner: "is there any physical damage?"
me: "uhhh yea, pee"
hahaha!!
Friday, February 27, 2009
I'm Depressed
I am really trying very hard to find my feelings that I had for my husband way back when I married him 5 years ago, or even before I married him. I tell you I use to love him like there was no other man in the world. I use to look at him and see little "hearts" around his head because that's how much I was in love with him. Even when he came back from Iraq in 2004, he was different but I could still feel that he loved me. This last trip to Iraq changed him and not for the better. I don't know why it did. Why I feel like this last deployment was really the most changing on him but it was.
I was feeling "in the mood" yesterday, granted he just took a shower but it's not like sex is a daily thing in our house. I think we've had sex 2 times since being home from vacation for Brandon's birthday. He told me no he just took a shower. Well that made me feel like crap. Seriously a man turning down sex. How often does that happen? Then I start to doubt myself. Am I too fat? Do I not do it good enough for him? Am I unattractive?
So we were on our way to get Brandon and I was still discussing the sex issue I think or something along the lines of marriage and I made the comment "If I had known 5 years ago that marriage was like this, I wouldn't have done it." He just looked really pissed and didn't say anything. I then said, "Don't you think it would be hard to be with someone that has no feelings, rarely says I love you first, doesn't ever compliment you and never discusses their feelings? Cause I tell you it's hard as hell for me to do it!" He got even more mad and then said "every time I go to Iraq I numb myself" I told him I am not Iraq and never once do I think I've treated him like he was there so he can stop "numbing" himself now. I can't stand to be treated like this. It's as if I'm married to a zombie. I hate it. He's a good daddy and I'll never say anything different in that case but him as a husband is seriously depressing. I have never felt so unloved, unappreciated in my life. All I want is the man I married. I know I may never have that person again but I would really like him to start caring more about me and my feelings and how he's making me feel. I feel more alone with him here than I do when he's away. At least I can fantisize that he still loves me the same way.
He is trying to get a better job that is a day time job. I am praying he gets this job and hoping that more time together (going to bed together would be nice since now he works 3rd shift when I go to bed he goes to work and when he comes home Brandon gets up if he's not already up)will be just what we need. I don't know how much more I can take.
I was feeling "in the mood" yesterday, granted he just took a shower but it's not like sex is a daily thing in our house. I think we've had sex 2 times since being home from vacation for Brandon's birthday. He told me no he just took a shower. Well that made me feel like crap. Seriously a man turning down sex. How often does that happen? Then I start to doubt myself. Am I too fat? Do I not do it good enough for him? Am I unattractive?
So we were on our way to get Brandon and I was still discussing the sex issue I think or something along the lines of marriage and I made the comment "If I had known 5 years ago that marriage was like this, I wouldn't have done it." He just looked really pissed and didn't say anything. I then said, "Don't you think it would be hard to be with someone that has no feelings, rarely says I love you first, doesn't ever compliment you and never discusses their feelings? Cause I tell you it's hard as hell for me to do it!" He got even more mad and then said "every time I go to Iraq I numb myself" I told him I am not Iraq and never once do I think I've treated him like he was there so he can stop "numbing" himself now. I can't stand to be treated like this. It's as if I'm married to a zombie. I hate it. He's a good daddy and I'll never say anything different in that case but him as a husband is seriously depressing. I have never felt so unloved, unappreciated in my life. All I want is the man I married. I know I may never have that person again but I would really like him to start caring more about me and my feelings and how he's making me feel. I feel more alone with him here than I do when he's away. At least I can fantisize that he still loves me the same way.
He is trying to get a better job that is a day time job. I am praying he gets this job and hoping that more time together (going to bed together would be nice since now he works 3rd shift when I go to bed he goes to work and when he comes home Brandon gets up if he's not already up)will be just what we need. I don't know how much more I can take.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
My New Year
I started going to see a Psychologist earlier last month and I have to say that some of my issues are better but most of the issues that are better aren't affecting my life every day.
A little background on the issues that is better:
I have (or maybe now had) this horrible fear of fires. I don't know what started it but I have been extreamly afraid of them for as long as I can remember. Enough to the point that I almost hate leaving my house because I was afraid it would be burned to the ground by the time I got home. I didn't learn how to strike a match until I was about 14-15 years old. I didn't mess with lighters. I think that's one of the main reasons that I don't like gas stoves. I just hate it. I hate the smell of fires, even bbq. I just can't stand it. I hate to see something burnt..yea it's bad.
My dad's house burned down about 9 or so years ago. I was in the army and I went home that weekend. I was staying with my dad and I had left the house that day to go see my sister in school and to see some of my friends still there. On the way back to dad's house, my sister noticed that there was smoke on the hill but I didn't notice it. Well we got to dad's house and there was a fire truck there and I saw a girl that my stepmom worked with and she said that the shed caught on fire and that half the house burned down. All I could think of was my daddy and my little brother and sister. My little brother was probably 3 or so when it happened.
Anyways I had never quite got over that happening and it has really affected my life in a strange way that I don't really let anyone know about till now. Well going to the Psychologist has really helped me deal with that fear a little better. I can't say that it's gone, but I can say that I am not as terified about it now as I was. I can actually revisit those memories and smile and think that everyone is ok and the house is rebuilt and life has gone on.
I do however, still have my problems with my husband. Mike was such a good husband and a great friend to me when we first got married and now that we have Brandon, I feel so distant from him. I miss my bestfriend. I love Brandon and no matter what, would never want anything different. I don't know why things changed between us. I feel like I am a hotel owner right now. He comes home, I make dinner and he goes to bed. I mean I think that if he up and left me one day, I would be fine. I can't believe I feel this way about someone that I once felt soo strongly for that I thought if I ever lost him I would go insain but I am soo lonely right now. I have Brandon and that's it. Mike is working days right now with the army and last night he came home and had to do some sort of stupid course online which kept messing up and he kept cussing at it and I told him to shut up and if it didn't work to give up. First of all he didn't come home till almost 6, messed around on that damn computer for about an hour and a half or so while eating dinner. By the time he finished everything it was time for Brandon to go to bed. He got fusterated with Brandon the other night while getting him dressed so I stopped everything and went in there and did it myself. I think there's been a few days where Mike hasn't changed a single diaper, that's how much family time we spend together. I had 5 days off in a row (of which today is the last of) and I have spent less time with my family during this past 5 days than I would if he was working 3rd shift sleeping till 2 in the afternoon. Now he comes home, eats and watches some tv while I clean up after dinner and then he freaking goes to sleep. I get soo pissed.
When is it gonna be my turn again? When can I have the husband that I love back? I don't like this emotionless husband that came home from Iraq this time. My life sorta sucks right now. I really feel like Brandon is the glue holding me and him together.
If he left today, I'd probably help him pack his bags..I am just so sad.
A little background on the issues that is better:
I have (or maybe now had) this horrible fear of fires. I don't know what started it but I have been extreamly afraid of them for as long as I can remember. Enough to the point that I almost hate leaving my house because I was afraid it would be burned to the ground by the time I got home. I didn't learn how to strike a match until I was about 14-15 years old. I didn't mess with lighters. I think that's one of the main reasons that I don't like gas stoves. I just hate it. I hate the smell of fires, even bbq. I just can't stand it. I hate to see something burnt..yea it's bad.
My dad's house burned down about 9 or so years ago. I was in the army and I went home that weekend. I was staying with my dad and I had left the house that day to go see my sister in school and to see some of my friends still there. On the way back to dad's house, my sister noticed that there was smoke on the hill but I didn't notice it. Well we got to dad's house and there was a fire truck there and I saw a girl that my stepmom worked with and she said that the shed caught on fire and that half the house burned down. All I could think of was my daddy and my little brother and sister. My little brother was probably 3 or so when it happened.
Anyways I had never quite got over that happening and it has really affected my life in a strange way that I don't really let anyone know about till now. Well going to the Psychologist has really helped me deal with that fear a little better. I can't say that it's gone, but I can say that I am not as terified about it now as I was. I can actually revisit those memories and smile and think that everyone is ok and the house is rebuilt and life has gone on.
I do however, still have my problems with my husband. Mike was such a good husband and a great friend to me when we first got married and now that we have Brandon, I feel so distant from him. I miss my bestfriend. I love Brandon and no matter what, would never want anything different. I don't know why things changed between us. I feel like I am a hotel owner right now. He comes home, I make dinner and he goes to bed. I mean I think that if he up and left me one day, I would be fine. I can't believe I feel this way about someone that I once felt soo strongly for that I thought if I ever lost him I would go insain but I am soo lonely right now. I have Brandon and that's it. Mike is working days right now with the army and last night he came home and had to do some sort of stupid course online which kept messing up and he kept cussing at it and I told him to shut up and if it didn't work to give up. First of all he didn't come home till almost 6, messed around on that damn computer for about an hour and a half or so while eating dinner. By the time he finished everything it was time for Brandon to go to bed. He got fusterated with Brandon the other night while getting him dressed so I stopped everything and went in there and did it myself. I think there's been a few days where Mike hasn't changed a single diaper, that's how much family time we spend together. I had 5 days off in a row (of which today is the last of) and I have spent less time with my family during this past 5 days than I would if he was working 3rd shift sleeping till 2 in the afternoon. Now he comes home, eats and watches some tv while I clean up after dinner and then he freaking goes to sleep. I get soo pissed.
When is it gonna be my turn again? When can I have the husband that I love back? I don't like this emotionless husband that came home from Iraq this time. My life sorta sucks right now. I really feel like Brandon is the glue holding me and him together.
If he left today, I'd probably help him pack his bags..I am just so sad.
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