why bother?

I think that's really how I feel lately. Why bother with anything? Me and momma had a conversation yesterday, I think that's when it was, we talk every day, anyways we talked about living life to the fullest and being truely happy. I don't know what truely happy is because I am not experiencing that. I can only tell you that I am here and I am trying really hard to make this work. I try so hard to please Brandon and Mike that I forget to think about myself. I feel very sad lately. I had a huge converstaion with Mike a few weeks ago and I give up now. I poured my heart out and got little reaction. Sure he cried, but really, you have nothing to say? I am still upset about that but what am I gonna do? I am absoutly not happy with my job, I hate who I work with and feel like an outsider there. I want my reality to stop or to take a right turn down fantasy lane. I feel like I am rambling and on the verge of tears right now. I don't even know why I am posting, which I guess is the main reason for my title. Why should I even bother to write when no one reads what I write anyways? OK, now the verge that I mentioned earlier has been breeched.
The saddest part of how I feel is that I have absoutly no sexual desire with my husband. None. I don't want it with anyone for that matter. I am really tired though so maybe that's playing a part in how I feel. I think I am going to go to bed or at least lay there and read till I fall asleep. Feeling this way sucks. I read most of my posts and it doesn't seem like I post much on happy things in my life this whole thing is really depressing. I need friends. I want to hang out with people and have a good time. I never do anything.