How I feel lately

Well, I have been pretty sad. I feel like I looked so forward to Mike coming home from Iraq and it's been nothing but a let down. I found out something that I don't really want to talk about that is making my life harder than I wanted. I just wanted to get back to normal. I thought that having Mike home would be great. I finally have help with Brandon. I have some help but for the most part I have to ask him to help me. I seriously think I could do this by myself just the same. I love spending time all 3 of us but I feel like I am begging him to do things with us and then he's grumpy to do what I ask.


So yesterday after working 8-4 and then getting Brandon from school, I come home and ask Mike what he wants for dinner. He is unsure so we have this little "I don't know what do you want? I don't know what do you want?" type of thing going on. So I finally go in the kitchen and find this homestyle bakes things that all you have to do is throw it in the pan and add water or whatever...well I said here can you make dinner? He was off all day and I worked so I just wanted to chill for a few minutes and he bitched about it. I don't get it. Just be helpful, throw the shit in the pan, turn the burner on and stir it a few times.

When he works, I actually like it because he sleeps during the day. On my days off I have to just occupy Brandon, which is easy, and when I work, I take Brandon to school so Mike can sleep. I worked so hard to save all the money I could to help us get ahead while he was gone and he comes home and spends it like crazy. Hello!! Gas isn't cheap anymore!!!! And with him working over in Kentucky that's not a short drive so he has to fill up the car a few times and it's getting ridiculous but doesn't understand why I get pissed when he orders a pizza 2 times in less than 5 days and drives downtown to a place that isn't open instead of first calling to make sure it's open!!! It's the $20 here and $20 there that's going to catch up. It only takes 5 $20 here or there to make $100 and we have a $850 house payment each month. I tried discussing this with him and he's just like yea uh huh...I am so sick of talking about this. How old is he? I tried to tell him as nice as I could that he needs to think about somoene other than himself.

I can't help but question if he wants to be married. I try to let him know that if he's not happy he can leave. I am sick of bending over backwards to make sure he is ok but getting crap in return. That is probably the biggest reason I am not happy. I just feel so walked on.