stress

I have a lot of stress in my life and I thought i was doing very good in keeping it under control but I think I am losing that control now. The deployments seem easy and now that they are done I shouldn't have stress anymore right??

WRONG!!

I feel more stressed out now. In the past year I have lost 3 people in my life 2 of which i was very close to and just so happened to be in this great ole month of August. It's been nearly a year since I lost my step-mother-in-law but there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and wish she was here for her advice. I miss her so much. It's hard to replace a friend like that. Then just 2 weeks ago this Sunday, my friend Gary passed away. I worked with him and although he was older than me we were really good friends. I am really taking his death hard because it was a suicide. I have never had anyone I was really close to commit suicide so this is super hard for me to deal with.

So guess what? My favorite month is not August that's for damn sure!!! I hate this month. I can't wait till it's over maybe I'll feel better..

On to how I feel...
like I am dying..yes I feel like my back hurts all the time, I'm tired but I can't sleep, my chest hurts, my heart feels like it's gonna pound out of my chest a lot of the time, I am rarely hungry, and feel very sick sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe and I have a headache constantly. I want to feel better so I told my Dr about everything and she put me on 2 different anxiety medicines...I don't want to take medicines unless I have to so I am trying to tuff it out. It's hard cause I can't stop thinking about all the things that stress me out..It's a vicious cycle and I try so hard to stop thinking about everything but I just can't. I think I am really close to just breaking down and never speaking again....

Oh and things with Mike are soo much better. So that makes it a little easier to deal with cause I actually have him caring..calling when he's at work to check on me at all hours of the night and even texting me while I am at work to see if I am ok. He goes to work 4 nights a week now and leaves before I get off work most times cause he has to be there by 8 so he leaves at 7. He calls me at work to tell me he's on his way to work and I just love it. I feel like he cares but right now I am not really being the best wife. I am feeling soo tired lately...I just hope that he puts up with my crap..and knows this is not me I am trying to come out of this funk..I hate being in any kind of pain..